Single Moms Being Judged

When someone says in a condescending tone to you, "I never did that, and I raised three kids," or "Well it worked for me when I had young kid," do you ever feel like they are talking down to you? That maybe they don't think you are doing a good job or that you're not a good enough mom? You aren't alone. Many single moms feel the exact same way, but it's simply not true. You are better than a good enough mom. You are a great mom. Just because you don't do things the way someone else thinks you should is not a reflection of you; it's a reflection of them. Yes it might have worked for them, but that doesn't mean it's going to work for you or that you choose to parent that way. You know what's best for you, your kids, and your life.

We've all had someone tell us how we should raise our kids. We should do this or we should do that, because it worked thirty years ago or even ten years ago. It's great that everything turned out wonderful for them, but they weren't a single mom, working a full time job, doing it alone, and with no support or help. More than that, it's really about the tone they use. It's great to get help and advice except when someone is being condescending to you or thinking her way is better.

When you are around other women who talk to you this way, it starts to beat you down and down. It can't help but tear you up, and eventually you will be so tattered and worn that it will take every ounce of you to get back up. You second guess yourself and your decisions, which is already easy to do as a single mom since you don't have someone to bounce your ideas off of. You wonder if you're doing it right, wrong, or even know how to do it. You begin to question every decision you make. Then you feel helpless, worthless, and hopeless as though you can't do anything right, so what's the point in doing anything at all.

When you let other people talk to you this way, they will continue to do so. People talk to you the way you allow them to. When someones tone isn't pleasant, your gut reaction is to be defensive. That only antagonizes the other person usually ending up in a fight.

So when someone says something like this to you, in a friendly tone you can reply, "Thank you for that. I'm so glad it worked for you." Don't get into a long discussion about how you don't agree with it or converse how their method is out of date.

When family members say snide comments, it's best, no matter how hard it is, to let it go. They may think their way is best, and that's fine. You aren't here to prove them wrong. You are here to raise responsible, dependable, trustworthy, loving, and kind children. So no matter the words or tone someone else uses, believe in yourself to know what's best for your kids, and you're doing your best to ensure they have it.