How To Take Control Of Your Emotions

Do Emotions Control Your Life?

To a certain degree, yes I do think that emotions can control your life and for many people, they are also running their lives. Emotions are pre-determined and they make us human. Some people think that you can merely ignore your emotions or even worse, try eliminate all emotion from their life! 

The problem with this belief is that no matter what you try to do, no matter how hard you try to suppress the way you feel, your emotions will always win. They are banging on the door of your mind. The more you try to ignore it, the louder and louder they bang and the harder and harder they pound. This is where some people will inevitably bottle up these emotions until they explode and depending on their personality type, each person will respond in a different way, none of which are particularly pretty to witness. Some time ago, there was a lady who knew her husband was cheating on her, she knew and remained silent for the good of her kids, but also because she was so scared to lose him. The longer and longer this went on, the more and more it became apparent that the cycle of endless cheating would not end. More than a year down the line, she could not take being hurt any longer and just up and left.

Now why did this happen? Simple, she bottled up all the emotions that she had, which she subsequently decided to ignore. Emotions are not something that should be considered as a weakness or a negative thing, they are there to serve as a warning that one or more of your beliefs and life rules have been violated. This woman never pulled her husband up on the belief that he was cheating. If she had, she may well have found that actually, the husband was not cheating on her at all, he was working another job just to feed their family.

Now there was clearly a big issue with communication, as a matter of fact there was no communication and this was a big part of the problem. However this is not something that I will cover in this article. The point here is that emotions can not only be warning signs, they can be felt by people as a result of some one's perception of a particular situation, even if the situation is being perceived completely wrong. This lady took her husband's absence as a violation of her own rules, perceiving it to be that he didn't care about her or want to be with her, she then created a story in her mind as to why he wasn't spending time with her and showing her that he still cared, when really he was just incredibly burnt out.

Now, emotions serve as a very useful tool for anyone trying to improve the quality of their own life, their business, and their relationships, so let's take a brief look at the 10 emotions I Believe to be directly responsible for the quality of one's life.

The 10 Emotions


Discomfort - this is not an extreme emotion but will leave you feeling uneasy feeling as if something is not quite "right"

Fear - this is possibly one of the most useful as it is a clear warning sign for us. Scared, frightened, are words that could be used to described this emotion

Hurt - this could be when someone violates one of your rules that you live life by, this can also be linked to a feeling of loss, which could be tangible or intangible, depending on the situation that can caused this emotion

Anger - being enraged, livid and aggressive, this emotion can be the most externally shown emotion and can take many people by surprise through the actions of the person experiencing it

Frustration - this is an emotion that entrepreneurs and business people often experience and can stop even the most dedicated people in their tracks. This can be altered to serve you in your endeavours as with the other emotions which I will explain shortly.

Disappointment - a feeling of not quite making it, not performing at best or being let down are often used to describe this emotion.

Guilt - This is an emotion that you must act on quickly if you can to stop it from growing root. Sometimes this may not be possible because it has been left too long already, but this can potentially be another devastating emotion if people do not control it.

Inadequacy - the feeling of not being as good as the next person, not as smart, not as strong, not an equal.

Being overwhelmed/Depressed - sometimes people go into a state whereby they describe themselves as being depressed and overloaded in their life, it can also be a pre cursor to the next emotion

Loneliness - The last emotion is that of being lonely, you may feel like the walls are closing in, nobody is there to help you or talk to you. A feeling of being completely on your own can be horrible, especially as we humans are very social creatures and as such, we need connection and love from time to time

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How to Utilize Your Emotions


So now you understand the 10  emotions, how do you go about changing them to help you create a better standard of life and increase your own happiness? There are two ways in which you can do this, changing either your perception of your emotion, or changing the situation you are in. For example if you are running your own business and all of a sudden the demand for your products takes a nosedive. You may well have emotions of fear, discomfort, anger, frustration, you could be feeling a number of different emotions depending on your past references and experiences and your own personality type. 

So you have these feelings, but remember, they are there to serve you, they are telling you that you need to change the way you are looking at it and perceiving it, or you need to change the situation that you are in. In this case you could first change the perception of the situation and instead of looking at the sudden lack of demand as a bad thing, you can turn it around and say that now you know that demand is shifting so you may need to consider altering the product, changing the product or even the way that it is marketed. This way you will turn it around and potentially make an even bigger profit than before. Notice that after changing your perception, you are then already ready to change the situation that you are in.This may not be the case for every situation, so you need to be mindful as to what you are feeling and what is causing the emotion, then act accordingly to make that shift and change the quality of your life for the better.

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Controlling Life: The Choices You Make Will Help You Control Life

Controlling life is about making choices that will result in moving you closer to the sort of person you want to be or to the kind of life you want to have. To achieve this you have to have a clear understanding of what you want. This means you have to have a set of rules or a standard of behavior or clear goals in your life so you know what you want. Your choices - your decisions - will put you in control so you get the outcomes you want.

Here are some examples of how you can control life through the choices you make:

1. One of your goals is to advance in your job, which would also be an important step in your career. You have been asked to make a presentation to an important client or to management or board members. This is a great opportunity to show your talents. You get a phone call from an old friend to catch up the night before the presentation. You know this always ends in a late night drinking session. 


You know if you do this you will not be at your best. You need to be cleared-headed and well prepared, and you wanted to go over the presentation once more. You can decide that your job is not going to run your life and go out that night or you can postpone the meeting with your friend. You have a choice to make, which puts you in control. The decision you make will control the outcome. 

2. You have a job interview with a company that you have been keen to work for as it will move you in the right career direction. You know they are a conservative company and they like their people to dress conservatively and the men to be clean-shaving. 


You do not like this style of dress and, as a woman, you like to wear fairly casual clothes or short dresses or clothes that show off you cleavage. As a man, you prefer not to wear ties or to wear business suits or you have a full beard in which you take some pride. You have a choice: to present yourself in the best way to get the job or dress as you please. Your choice determines the outcome. 

3. Your doctor tells you to lose some weight and do some exercise, otherwise you will probably have some health problems in the future. You are already feeling uncomfortable with your weight and you don't feel as healthy as you would like. But to lose weight means you will have to cut down on or give up some of your favourite foods. Some of these are a very important part of your lifestyle: you enjoy dining out with friends or having a few drinks at the end of the day. You do not want to have to change this. You have to make a choice - enjoy your lifestyle now and pay later or change your lifestyle and enjoy a healthier way of life. 

You are in control of your life because you have the power to choose.


Controlling life is about exercising the power of choice, which influences outcomes. You cannot completely control life and all its uncertainties, but you can shape life to your liking and build the life you want by the choices you make. To this extent, you can take control of life.