Focus On That Which You Want!

It amazes me in a given day the amount of conversations I facilitate regarding the level of confusion people have about why their lives are showing up the way they do! People fundamentally do not realize that they are the creator of their reality, period! What you focus on, on a daily basis, will be directly proportional to what you get back.

Take personal relationships for example.   Doesn't take a rocket scientist that if you continue to make your partner wrong and you will find enough evidence to sink a ship! LOVE is the only premise for personal relationships so why do so many people not focus on LOVE?

Why, because they need to valid their own default (negative listening of themselves and others) and there in lies crutch of the problem.

It intrigues me the degree to which we are not disciplined in what we focus on.   If you want to experience more love in your life, it makes sense that you should focus on only loving thoughts.   9 times out of 10 the expectations you have of another are not known so why on earth do you expect to have your partner, in this case, live up to them when they are not even aware of them?

Why do couples continue to tolerate not living in a harmonious way? Why do we tolerate dis-empowering communication when it is obvious that NO ONE wins in this situation.  So I ask you today that if you are in a relationship that is not working to the degree to which you would like why do you tolerate this?

Here are some standard excuses why people tolerate not improving their relationships:-

Top 10 Key Excuses For Not Improving Relationships - see if any apply to you?

1. It's not the right time
2. If I rock the boat I do not have the financial backing to leave the relationship
3. Marriage is for life, regardless of how bad it gets
4. I am staying because of the children
5. Nothing I try works, and they (the other party) are unwilling to work on the relationship
6. He/She just won't listen
7. I've tried and it doesn't work, eg We tried marriage counseling and it didn't work
8. It's been like this for so long why should I change now - resignation
9. I am fearful of what they will do, I am fearful of the unknown if I was to leave so best to stay with what's known
10. It's not me, they are the ones who are creating the problem/s

News report, if your relationship is not where you want it to be it is because:-

1. You are getting something out of staying in it and it feeds your own negative/default listening of yourself
2. You are not committed to living in a harmonious way, evidence will prove this people! If you were committed to living in a loving relationship you would be in one by now
3. You are fearful of the unknown
4. You tolerate things the way they are because you are stuck in the HOW and are UNWILLING to get the required support to rectify the situation
5. You are definitely not present to the cost of his and or her or your own negative/default behavior, for if you were you would move in a heartbeat!
6. You get to be a victim!   You get mileage out of enrolling people in your life, family, friends, acquaintances about how bad your lot is - very attention seeking
7. You do not believe that things cannot get better because of the years of evidence to the contrary - so beliefs are running the show - fundamentally you are resigned to a new possibility
8. You do not trust your faith, if you did you would not tolerate what you tolerate
9. You get to remain a martyr in your life given the impact your situation has on your own well being
10. You need to validate your own unhealed aspects of yourself by staying in a dysfunctional relationship.

So, what now?   Stand for LOVE, stand for an EXTRAORDINARY relationship, after all what is the point of being in a relationship unless it is EXTRAORDINARY!   If you want assistance with revolutionizing your relationship STOP tolerating what you tolerate.

Need to Take Back Control of Your Life? Stop Complaining!

Everyone falls victim to complaining every now and again. That's why "venting" is such a popular pastime! However, if you genuinely believe your life isn't what it should be, complaining isn't going to help.

Excessive complaining makes everyone uncomfortable. Think about someone you know who complains a lot. Chances are you try to avoid him - and other people do too. The last thing you want is to be "that guy" - the guy no one wants to talk to, for fear he'll launch into a complaint rant.

So, what can you do to stop complaining and get your life back on track - instead of letting it control you?

First, you need to understand that complaining is a bad habit - much like biting your nails or picking at a scab; all it does is make things worse. Complaining may even be something you do without thinking, because it's become such a habitual part of your life.

Many people start complaining because they've created a bunch of negative thoughts in their own heads. They realize they're making their feelings of anger or frustration worse, so they try to get rid of it all by complaining.

Instead of falling victim to those negative thoughts, make a conscious effort to get rid of them. Promise yourself that you're not going to let some negativity define who you are. Remember, your entire demeanor is based on what you think!

Similar to the way a healthy diet can help your waist line, healthy thoughts can help your demeanor. If you truly want to take control of your life and be happier, you can't feed your mind negative thoughts. Instead, you have to understand you're in control of those thoughts - and let them go.

But how do you let things go?

If you're in the midst of a bunch of negative thoughts, simply letting them go can seem a whole lot easier said than done. Here's how you can do it:

- Relax.

Read a book, take a bath, or do anything else that'll calm you down. If you can't relax right away, that's OK. Understand that it took time for you to build up all of these negative thoughts and complaints and it'll take time for them to go away. As long as you remain dedicated to relaxing, you'll win the fight!

- Believe in yourself.

You can be your biggest critic or your biggest supporter; the choice is up to you. If you make a mistake, accept responsibility for it and then let it go. If you dwell on it, the negativity and your complaining will never go away.

- Surround yourself with positive things.

The more positivity you're around, the easier it'll be to let it naturally become part of your life - instead of always falling back on negativity. If you steer clear of negativity, eventually, all of those bad habits will turn into good ones. Like any addiction, the more you feed your complaining habit, the more it'll take over your life. For example, if you and a certain friend always get together for drinks and wind up complaining to each other, stop going out for drinks.

- Stop blaming others.

Everyone will place blame on someone else from time to time, but blame isn't going to make you feel better. Instead, deal with problems and move on. Again, you'll have to work hard to remove all of the negative feelings.

If you make a serious effort to stop complaining today, you could wind up with a whole new you tomorrow!