Your heart feels like a lead weight in your chest. You've just had a terrible fight with your partner and you want to know how to make up after this fight and get rid of that sick feeling inside.
The first thing to do is take a good look at what happened. What was your fight really about?
Sure, on the surface it might seem like you're fighting over a lack of money or maybe one of you lost a job recently and around the holidays this can cause couples fighting to escalate.
But maybe there's something else even more deep seated - something that stems from painful childhood memories or a remark that triggered a painful memory from a previous relationship gone bad?
HOW TO MAKE UP AFTER A BAD FIGHT - TRY TO TALK THINGS OUT
See if you can talk it out - find and pinpoint the root cause of your fight.
Doing this can bring out more understanding and compassion for each other.
Example: Feeling abandoned or neglected.
This is often a root cause for many a relationship meltdown.
Another example - do you feel inadequate in some way? Or your partner does? Having feelings of inadequacy can lead to frustration and low self-esteem.
Yet another example is feeling left out or taken for granted in some way. Do you include each other enough...in each other's lives?
Think about it, if one of you is really feeling this way - this could definitely be a root cause and needs to be brought out in the open and discussed in a loving and caring way.
Get real and get it out in the open. If you or your partner are feeling any of these feelings for more than just a little while, chances are good you'll be repeating the same argument later on.
If you can do this, you greatly improve your chances of making up after a bad fight.
MAKING UP AFTER A BAD FIGHT - TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE FIGHT!
Take responsibility for your part in the argument. Are you guilty of losing your temper? Are you afraid of losing control?
Whether we realize it or not, we humans tend to want to manipulate situations and the people closest to us to get the problem or fight resolved rather than facing things head on.
Admit to your part in the fight without blaming yourself or your boyfriend/girlfriend. Then you might be able to start communicating more clearly and create a new beginning.
HOW TO MAKE UP AFTER A BAD FIGHT - A LITTLE HUMILITY GOES A LONG WAY
When you find a way to apologize for the fight or breakup (even if you don't believe you started the ball rolling) chances are your partner will want to meet you half way and apologize also.
Let your loved one know that you never meant for things to get so out of hand.
Let them know you really want to avoid bad fights in the future.
MAKING UP AFTER A BAD FIGHT - DON'T HOLD BACK
Don't hold back when it comes to talking things out. Being bitter or hurtful isn't going to solve anything...just like holding a grudge that never gets spoken.
Holding grudges can make you sick.
The last thing you want is to hold back and not communicate your real feelings...including the fact that you were angry and why.
It's important to get it out...but it's the way that you do it that will make all of the difference.
Chances are, your partner has some things to tell you that you might not want to hear or deal with. The best way forward though, is to deal with your issues because you don't want to grow further apart.
It's time to hone your listening skills...really listen to what the other person is saying and do your best to understand where they're coming from.
Bottom line - if either one of you is still unhappy after patching things up...if there are issues left unspoken or unresolved...it's not going to be good for your relationship in the long run.
HOW TO MAKE UP AFTER A BAD FIGHT - DON'T WAIT TOO LONG
This is a crucial point. If you wait too long to get back together after a bad fight it's only going to be harder as more time goes on.
Don't feel like your relationship is doomed because you had a bad fight or a few of them in the past.
Just about every couple has fights now and again - these are growing pains and are bound to happen.
The best advice is to learn from each fight that you have. What's the big takeaway? Did you have a communication break through?
Did you get closer afterward? What can you promise for each other?
MAKING UP AFTER A BAD FIGHT - IT TAKES TWO
Bottom line is a relationship is a two way street. When you're with a partner, you have more than just your own feelings to consider.
Remember that as a couple, when your feelings are hurt - it hurts your partner...and when your partner's feelings are hurt - it hurts you.
Don't allow a bad fight to come between you permanently...especially if your love is real. Your love is more important than any argument or misunderstanding.
When you put your love first, any reasons for fighting become secondary.
With the stresses that our modern lifestyles bring, it's easy to get stressed and end up taking it out on the people closest to us.
Be mature, compassionate and be a good listener when you come together for the first time after a fight.
When you do this, making up after a bad fight will be that much easier. You'll both discover you're on your way to a happier more fulfilled relationship - when you can figure out the main issues and tackle them together.
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