How To Build Confidence - The Foundation You Must First Have

There are many books available today that are motivational, inspirational and informational in regards to boosting your confidence level. Many of these tips range from being aware of your strengths and celebrating them to focusing on what makes you happy. While these tips are helpful and can strengthen your self-confidence, if you don't have the foundation for practices to be built upon, then many of these tips will not be long lasting. This can cause a tremendous amount of frustration for those that are using these tips and are not seeing any permanent improvement in their own level of self-confidence. 

The foundation that needs to be in place before using a process to increase your confidence level is adopting the mindset of being unconditionally responsible. Being unconditionally responsible means that you understand you are the creator of your experiences, whatever they appear to be. You come to know that you had a hand in influencing the reality of your experience. When you embrace this frame of mind, you actually empower yourself because you can then begin to come to the understand that if you created or at least influenced your experience, you create it differently if you don't like what you are currently experiencing. With that understanding, you begin to feel less like you are a victim to your circumstances and you actually have some say in what happens to you, the "good" and the "bad". Embracing that you are responsible for what you create/experience is the beginning of the core foundation for having self-confidence.

In addition to being responsible, you must also be unconditional. This is important because being unconditional allows you to have the courage to look at your reality and what you are experiencing, and what you do to create/influence your reality. Being unconditional means you are not judging what you are experiencing and what you have created. There is no lesser or greater; it just is what it is. Look at all of your experiences in such a way as they are there only to clarify what you say you want in life and how you want to experience that life. Sometimes, you can't know what you want until you experience what you don't want. Judging the experience as something that you did or didn't deserve, only keeps you from receiving the empowering message and insight that would allow you to move to the next level in understanding what you do need to do to have the kind of experiences you would love to have. If you look at your experiences as just experiences, then releasing the judgment will truly build up your self-confidence because you are no longer repeating and reinforcing limiting and self-deprecating thoughts to yourself that tear down your confidence.

When you know that you can make no mistakes when it comes to the experiences in your life, there is a certain type of freedom you have that no one can take away. 

This brings up the third point of that unconditional responsibility foundation. Even though nothing you do is cause for judgment, it does not mean that you are released from any damage or harm that you would cause on another. If you have harmed another, you must be responsible for that damage you caused them. The great news is if you had the power to cause the harm, you have the power to fix the harm you caused.

Building self-confidence is simpler than you may feel if you have the foundation of unconditional responsibility firmly in place. With that foundation in place, any other tips you may receive later on will be more long lasting and more effective in raising your confidence level to even greater heights.

Your Past is Not Your Future

Many persons have had extensive negative experiences throughout their lives. Perhaps they grew up in a divided or troubled family or hung around with the wrong people in the neighborhood when they were growing up.


Some people, unfortunately, go on to commit crimes and are eventually incarcerated for a number of years. Others have experienced physical as well as emotional abuse, depression, or other serious challenges along the way.



Perhaps you have not experienced any of the above, and your life may be relatively peaceful when compared to the above situations. Nevertheless, there is a likely chance that you have faltered in a number of areas up until now, and those failures may have weighed considerably upon you and kept you from realizing your goals.



Many people unfortunately let their past mistakes (as well as past experiences that were outside of their control) determine their present and future experiences. They dwell on the past problems instead of looking for future solutions. Always remember that many people have gone through the same experiences that you have had and have come out on the other side to experience success.



It is crucial that you remember this: where you're headed to is more important than where you've been.



The first step in experiencing real change in your life is to accept responsibility for your actions as difficult as this may be. So many people go through their adult life continuing to make excuses for their mistakes and never accepting complete responsibility as adults. Once you accept responsibility, you'll realize that you have choices to make each and every single day, and these choices will determine the future course of your life.



You may want to deny responsibility so that you don't have to take the blame for your failures. At the same time, accepting responsibility can be scary because there is always the possibility that you will fail in any given endeavor. However, accepting responsibility can also be a liberating and empowering step in your journey towards success.



This is simply because accepting responsibility helps eliminate excuses and all the negative emotions that you may experience when you blame others for your problems. At the same time, it gives you control and allows you to make decisions that will improve your life. You don't need permission from anyone else to begin making the right decisions. This simple truth can be quite liberating and your first step towards success.

Understanding What Drives You to Succeed

The first step in achieving anything you want is deciding what you want in the first place. 

Do you want material gains or personal satisfaction? Is your deep desire to positively impact others or to make a certain amount of money? 

My belief is that if you are using your gifts and doing what you love, the money will follow. 

Often times, the problem people have is an understanding of what they really want in the first place. They go after the results instead of their real passion.

It is easy to get caught up in material wants but if your inner motivation is not driven by material things then it is unlikely that you will have the drive to take the steps necessary to get those things. 

On the other hand, if your inner motivation is driven by material things then it will be easy for you to really see yourself having those things you want. The key to success is to really be able to see and feel yourself where you want to be.

Let me share an example. Money has never been my motivation. 

My motivation has always come from learning new skills, influencing others, and achieving higher levels of responsibility. When I set goals that are specific to money or material things I can never quite fully feel it on the inside. If I put down that I want to make a certain amount of money each month and I don't have something bigger driving it, it just doesn't work for me. 

Although, there was one time in my life where I set specific money goals and did reach them.  I had an extreme desire to keep my children in our home and not be financially dependent on others. In order to make that happen I had to make a certain amount of money. I set some goals and had a plan so that in five years I would be financially independent. I met my goal within two years. And even though the goal was to make a certain amount of money, my real motivation was about independence.

My encouragement for you is to examine what your real motives are. 

Start by creating a vision board around what you really desire. You will know when you are on to it because it is something you can feel deep down inside. The rest will fall into place when you are operating from your real desires. My real drive comes from making a difference in the world and my big vision is to do that by sharing information. 

There are many, many small steps that have to happen in order for me to fully realize that big vision and I am doing the work to make the necessary progress to move me from where I am to where I want to be. Are you? Remember, you can achieve whatever you believe as long as you are willing to work for it!

Taking Responsibility For Your Own Life Success

If you want to be successful, you must learn to take responsibility for your own life. Stop relying on others, stop blaming the world, and stop waiting for things to happen - the sooner you realize that you alone are to blame for every misstep you made in life, the sooner you will be able to pick up the pieces and set out on your journey once again.

Things happen - sometimes results are hard to accept, but remember that your destiny is an accumulation of all your prior decisions and responses to situations - so own both the good and bad that come with it.



Hey, it was YOU who bought it, married it, did it, believed it, chose it, or did nothing - so why blame others? Stop complaining and accept - after doing so, let your mistakes guide you into the outcomes you desire. If you are able to learn from your mistakes and move on, then you know you are capable of changing your life situation into pure success. 

To take responsibility for your life, you have to keep in mind a few things. These will help you be the best you can be.

Be mindful of what you're saying, doing and thinking. Your words and actions, when not well thought off, can lead you astray. The best way to make changes for the better is to always be conscious of how you speak, act and think - because your thoughts translate into actions. Make the choice of always being the best - because this is what others see from you.

Be healthy. Adopt a healthy lifestyle. Stop choosing to engage in non-healthy vices like drugs, alcohol, smoking and irresponsible sex. All these have an effect on how you will be perceived by others, as well as the state of your mental condition. A healthy body is your tool towards success. 

All your great ideas will be nothing if your body will quit on you because of an irresponsible lifestyle.



Be happy. When you smile despite all the trials, you somehow attract positivity into your life. When all else fails - smile. We are not saying you must deny yourself to rightful expression, but what good will sulking do you? Honestly, sulking and feeling sorry sweeps all chances of joy away from you, thus prolonging your agony, and discouraging happiness from re-entering your life. Choose to respond to trials well, instead of jumping off that cliff.



Enhance knowledge and learning. You must take it upon yourself to get as much information as you can. 

Life is a constant search for information that will help you in every aspect of your life. The more you learn, the more you will be able to creatively use in your life. 

Cultivate positive relationships, and get rid of the damaging ones. No matter how much you try to resolve to make your life better, if you choose to stick it out with bad influences, or even people who will suck all the life out of you, you may never get off your starting point. Be with the people who will teach you, inspire you to be your best, and help you see all the good things about yourself. Don't befriend the insincere ones, though, who will only be your friend and tell you all the good things you want to hear even if they are not so truthful. Some people will not be as pleasant as you want them to be, but if they give you constructive criticism, then they will be a big help in your life. Better to be slapped with the truth than to be kissed with a lie.



Strive for a balanced life. You cannot spend 95% of your time working and only 5% of it with your family, then try to justify things by saying that you are working to give them a better life. 

What good is an abundant life, when the people you say you care about are so grossly ignored at some other aspects - like love and attention? A good life must be a balance of work, family, friends and personal time. Be a joy to the people around you by being some significant part of their lives.

Have a life purpose and goal. Having a life purpose is life giving direction into your life. You have something to strive for, something to work at. Not having a goal is like living a day-to-day meaningless existence. You just live each day and see what happens. Yikes. Now how can that be good for anyone? Be the best person you can possibly be by doing something meaningful, and striving to be someone worth emulating.



Give back. Remember the concept of "paying forward?" 

This means you give someone else the same amount of good that was given to you. When you do others good, you will feel an extraordinary sense of achievement and life purpose. This is much like giving without expecting anything in return - which is inexplicably fulfilling. Be someones answer to their prayer. Leave a legacy that can be admired and looked back on with much pride.

How To Make Up After A Bad Fight - Best Advice For Struggling Couples

Ever wondered how to make up after a bad fight?

Your heart feels like a lead weight in your chest. You've just had a terrible fight with your partner and you want to know how to make up after this fight and get rid of that sick feeling inside.


The first thing to do is take a good look at what happened. What was your fight really about?

Sure, on the surface it might seem like you're fighting over a lack of money or maybe one of you lost a job recently and around the holidays this can cause couples fighting to escalate.

But maybe there's something else even more deep seated - something that stems from painful childhood memories or a remark that triggered a painful memory from a previous relationship gone bad?


HOW TO MAKE UP AFTER A BAD FIGHT - TRY TO TALK THINGS OUT

See if you can talk it out - find and pinpoint the root cause of your fight.

Doing this can bring out more understanding and compassion for each other.

Example: Feeling abandoned or neglected.

This is often a root cause for many a relationship meltdown.

Another example - do you feel inadequate in some way? Or your partner does? Having feelings of inadequacy can lead to frustration and low self-esteem.

Yet another example is feeling left out or taken for granted in some way. Do you include each other enough...in each other's lives?

Think about it, if one of you is really feeling this way - this could definitely be a root cause and needs to be brought out in the open and discussed in a loving and caring way.

Get real and get it out in the open. If you or your partner are feeling any of these feelings for more than just a little while, chances are good you'll be repeating the same argument later on.
If you can do this, you greatly improve your chances of making up after a bad fight.

MAKING UP AFTER A BAD FIGHT - TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE FIGHT!

Take responsibility for your part in the argument. Are you guilty of losing your temper? Are you afraid of losing control?

Whether we realize it or not, we humans tend to want to manipulate situations and the people closest to us to get the problem or fight resolved rather than facing things head on.

Admit to your part in the fight without blaming yourself or your boyfriend/girlfriend. Then you might be able to start communicating more clearly and create a new beginning.


HOW TO MAKE UP AFTER A BAD FIGHT - A LITTLE HUMILITY GOES A LONG WAY


When you find a way to apologize for the fight or breakup (even if you don't believe you started the ball rolling) chances are your partner will want to meet you half way and apologize also.

Let your loved one know that you never meant for things to get so out of hand.

Let them know you really want to avoid bad fights in the future.

MAKING UP AFTER A BAD FIGHT - DON'T HOLD BACK


Don't hold back when it comes to talking things out. Being bitter or hurtful isn't going to solve anything...just like holding a grudge that never gets spoken.


Holding grudges can make you sick.


The last thing you want is to hold back and not communicate your real feelings...including the fact that you were angry and why.

It's important to get it out...but it's the way that you do it that will make all of the difference.


Chances are, your partner has some things to tell you that you might not want to hear or deal with. The best way forward though, is to deal with your issues because you don't want to grow further apart.

It's time to hone your listening skills...really listen to what the other person is saying and do your best to understand where they're coming from.


Bottom line - if either one of you is still unhappy after patching things up...if there are issues left unspoken or unresolved...it's not going to be good for your relationship in the long run.


HOW TO MAKE UP AFTER A BAD FIGHT - DON'T WAIT TOO LONG

This is a crucial point. If you wait too long to get back together after a bad fight it's only going to be harder as more time goes on.

Don't feel like your relationship is doomed because you had a bad fight or a few of them in the past.

Just about every couple has fights now and again - these are growing pains and are bound to happen.

The best advice is to learn from each fight that you have. What's the big takeaway? Did you have a communication break through?

Did you get closer afterward? What can you promise for each other?


MAKING UP AFTER A BAD FIGHT - IT TAKES TWO


Bottom line is a relationship is a two way street. When you're with a partner, you have more than just your own feelings to consider.


Remember that as a couple, when your feelings are hurt - it hurts your partner...and when your partner's feelings are hurt - it hurts you.


Don't allow a bad fight to come between you permanently...especially if your love is real. Your love is more important than any argument or misunderstanding.


When you put your love first, any reasons for fighting become secondary.


With the stresses that our modern lifestyles bring, it's easy to get stressed and end up taking it out on the people closest to us.


Be mature, compassionate and be a good listener when you come together for the first time after a fight.


When you do this, making up after a bad fight will be that much easier. You'll both discover you're on your way to a happier more fulfilled relationship - when you can figure out the main issues and tackle them together.