Forgiveness -- The Eraser of Anger

Forgiveness really is the eraser of anger and guilt. It is the key that opens the shackles of the past and permits us to move on with our life in a freer, far lighter way. Once we realize this we can begin the process of healing that we deserve. 

Keep these approaches in mind as you consider things and move along on your journey of forgiveness: 

-- Your ultimate aim is to release the hurt and the rage that is feeding the pain. Just as you can heal from a painful thorn in your finger by taking it out, so you can recover from a hurtful experience by leaving it behind. When it doesn't have any place deep in your heart and mind, it can no longer fester, and the hurt can finally come to a stop. Choosing to forgive means you allow those bad feelings to leave your life for good.

-- It's essential to replace bad feelings with neutral ones. When the facts remain unchanged, but those facts no longer have the capacity to damage, then you are free of the past. You change from being a victim to the victor. You are human, and it's natural that you can be hurt. People really are resilient, and because you are human you can recover - from a love betrayal or awful, unfair experiences in your life. If you find yourself still reacting, then you have not broken free from the emotional chains of past experience. Through forgiveness you can be free of those toxic reactions. 

-- Humor is a wonderful agent of healing. If you are able to smile about the love that once hurt you, or joke about the years you fought with a sibling, family member, or lover then you trade pain for a different emotion. That heavy load is lifted, substituted by a much lighter new found feeling that can even put a spring in your step. The healing power of forgiveness comes from our ability to move on from our anger and resentment. These emotions don't really hurt those who have hurt us, but nonetheless they absolutely do hurt us. When we forgive we protect ourselves; we clear our mind, our emotions, and a good deal of our time. Focusing on more empowering and positive areas frees and moves away from the event or person who has hurt us. 

Forgiveness removes us from harm's way. As far as we continue to dwell on and focus on hurt in the past, continually reacting to the pain someone has created, we remain emotionally stuck with that person and with what they have done. Forgiveness breaks the chains that lock. With it we take a gigantic step forward with our lives, releasing the negativity and shielding our self from toxic emotional involvement. 

-- Constantly going over a hurtful experience over and again keeps it fresh in the mind, creating mental and emotional upset. Should the topic arise in conversation, it's a lot better to respond with: 'I'm choosing not to focus on that incident. I'm letting it fade from my life, and I'm moving on to happier things.' 

-- One of the most important factors of the healing process is our own self-talk. What we say to our self is the most powerful driving force. Choosing words that feel authentic, we may say: 'I choose to feel wonderful today. Regardless what others may say or do, my happiness comes from within. I alone determine how I feel.' 

Affirmations such as: 'I am now taking care of the child within, and I am doing a really good job. I alone have direct control over my psychological well being. I look at the positive things in life. I wake up every day and focus on things that are beautiful and right.' 

Once we finally come to see that our anger hurts only ourselves, then we are able to arrive at that state where forgiveness becomes reality. Through forgiveness we draw that line under the past and allow ourselves to move on with our life. 

In this state of grace, we can finally move on from the past, and at last begin to live the life with which we have been gifted.

Your Past is Not Your Future

Many persons have had extensive negative experiences throughout their lives. Perhaps they grew up in a divided or troubled family or hung around with the wrong people in the neighborhood when they were growing up.


Some people, unfortunately, go on to commit crimes and are eventually incarcerated for a number of years. Others have experienced physical as well as emotional abuse, depression, or other serious challenges along the way.



Perhaps you have not experienced any of the above, and your life may be relatively peaceful when compared to the above situations. Nevertheless, there is a likely chance that you have faltered in a number of areas up until now, and those failures may have weighed considerably upon you and kept you from realizing your goals.



Many people unfortunately let their past mistakes (as well as past experiences that were outside of their control) determine their present and future experiences. They dwell on the past problems instead of looking for future solutions. Always remember that many people have gone through the same experiences that you have had and have come out on the other side to experience success.



It is crucial that you remember this: where you're headed to is more important than where you've been.



The first step in experiencing real change in your life is to accept responsibility for your actions as difficult as this may be. So many people go through their adult life continuing to make excuses for their mistakes and never accepting complete responsibility as adults. Once you accept responsibility, you'll realize that you have choices to make each and every single day, and these choices will determine the future course of your life.



You may want to deny responsibility so that you don't have to take the blame for your failures. At the same time, accepting responsibility can be scary because there is always the possibility that you will fail in any given endeavor. However, accepting responsibility can also be a liberating and empowering step in your journey towards success.



This is simply because accepting responsibility helps eliminate excuses and all the negative emotions that you may experience when you blame others for your problems. At the same time, it gives you control and allows you to make decisions that will improve your life. You don't need permission from anyone else to begin making the right decisions. This simple truth can be quite liberating and your first step towards success.

5 Ways To Boost Your Self Esteem

While for many, self-esteem issues are a transitional part of growing into an adult and finding a place in the world, scientific research studies show that people with continued low self-esteem are also more likely to suffer from depression, anxiety, poor physical health, and even a lower income later on in life. 

Those with long lasting issues of low self-esteem know only too well that it is not something you grow out of, but something that sits in the subconscious mind and continues to effect every part of life for years. How then can we enhance self esteem. 

Here are five ways that you can do just that. 

1. Model Confident People  

Noticing what confident people do, how they speak, the ways they behave, can provide vital clues to finding self-esteem inside yourself. Who is the most confident person you can think of? When you have them firmly in your mind, ask yourself these questions: how do they hold their shoulders? How do they stand? How do they walk? What clothes do they wear? How do they behave when with other people? What sort of things do you imagine they say about themselves? And if they were in your situation, what would they do? 

This questioning goes far beyond "fake it till you make it" - it links us into the answers already inside us. Once you have a list of what that confident person would do, go ahead and model this behaviour. Try it on for a few hours, a day, even a few days. Notice how everything you do, and the events around you, begin to change on their own.  

2. Advertise Yourself 

When you have to convince someone else about your strengths, it can have a fantastic effect on your self-esteem. Sitting down and really thinking about all your skills, gifts and talents is a wonderful reminder of all the good things about being you. Try writing an advertisement selling yourself as the perfect partner, house mate, friend, etc, with a full description of why anyone would be lucky to have you around. Don't be afraid to blow your own trumpet. This isn't an exercise in modesty, but in self-esteem. 

3. Work On Your Resume 

Resumes are all about convincing someone to hire your time and your expertise. Giving your resume a regular update can also give your self-esteem a great boost. Alternatively, update your Facebook profile. Strange as it sounds, there is now research from Cornell University in New York to prove that people who view their Facebook profiles more regularly have better self-esteem. You get to go back and view your clever status updates, your significant dates and events, and photos of good times.  

4. Say Positive Things About Yourself  

Saying positive things about yourself, to yourself or others, is important. What we say about ourselves reveals a lot about our level of self-esteem. When we rehearse only what we do wrong, or don't like about ourselves, our brain builds neural pathways for these conversations, till eventually negative self-talk is practically automatic. 

If you are not used to talking about yourself in a positive way, you will simply have to learn how. Keep practicing, choose a few nice things to say or think about yourself and use them as a mantra every day. It can be something you are proud of about yourself, or positive things you remember others saying about you in the past. 

The more you repeat this, the easier the behaviour will become as your nervous system will build more neural connections to this positive self-talk, and less to the negative self-talk.  

5. Is It You, Or Is It Them? 

The people who surround us, at home, at school, at work, or in social settings, can have a huge impact on our self-esteem. Either they will support us, making us feel better about ourselves, or their negativity will bring us down emotionally. This may not be intentional. Some people just seem to notice what's wrong more than on what's right. 

If you find there are people in your life who make you feel bad about yourself, you need to make a decision. Can you counteract the effect they are having with you? Or do you need to do some prunning? 

Do you really need to be around people who make you feel bad about yourself? Choose to associate with positive people that make you feel alive, happy, and optimistic about life.  

Deciding to spend less time with people isn't about making anyone else 'wrong' or 'bad' -- it has to do with making clear decisions about how you want to feel, and asserting your right to feel good instead of bad.

Use these strategies on a regular basis and you really will boost your self-esteem -- and increase your self-confidence.

9 Laws of Healthy Living

Why only 9 laws for healthy living? and not 10, or 15, or 20? well I tend to live a simple lifestyle, and at the time of this writing these were my absolute top laws, so I will make this short, direct, and to the point no filibustering here.

My top 9 laws for healthy living encompass all areas of life, from relationships, family, business, finances, education, religion, whatever keep in mind these are MY top 9, not necessarily your top 9 so with that in mind, here we go:

Law #1. PUT GOD FIRST - Put God first in all your endeavors, trial and tribulations...if you truly trust God, then put it first in everything you do and are involved in from business decisions, personal decisions, family decisions, education decisions, financial decisions, etc. trust in thee have faith the 'ole saying that your heart is where your money is rings true by putting your trust and faith in God, life will be much smoother sailing....

Law #2. MAINTAIN A POSITIVE ATTITUDE - maintaining a positive mental attitude means to me to have the right attitude for the given moment whatever the circumstance you find yourself in, stay positive but at the same time you have to deal with reality this is a learned trait and not always easy it takes practice and a willingness to keep it positive.

Law #3. LIVE BY THE PLATINUM (NOT GOLDEN) RULE - living by the platinum rule means to help others MORE than you would help yourself....if you strive to help others, then I believe you will definitely help yourself you see I believe not everything is quantitative and cannot be measured, we need a little faith so live by the platinum rule, to help others before and MORE than you help yourself and all will work out just fine.

Law #4. FOCUS - this is very important it can even be argued by some that those without faith, if you are truly focused on your objective, can achieve whatever the heart desires there may be a lot of truth in that, but I still believe that God comes first because anyone can be upbeat during the good times, but when that inevitable downturn occurs, how will you react, stay focused.

Law #5. GO THE EXTRA MILE - with this go the extra mile attitude, when you develop this habit, it spills over into everything you do for example, your boss says on Friday p.m. to have that report on his desk bright and early Monday a.m., but you have plans for the weekend what do you do? Well if you are efficient at multi-tasking, then just find a way to make it happen stay positive, get focused and get it done.

Law #6. A HEALTHY BODY EQUALS A HEALTHY MIND - never take your health for granted I know we don't live forever and eventually we will meet our maker, but our body is our temple, so keep it healthy eliminate those bad habits we tend to overindulge in, like alcohol, etc. I believe that if you feel good, your mind stays sharp, focused, and not distracted.

Law #7. NEVER GIVE UP, DON'T EVER GIVE UP - this is a great quote by one of the heroes ofhis time, the late great Jimmy Valvano (head men's basketball coach of North Carolina State University) and national championship coach he delivered his famous speech as he was battling cancer, and near the end of his life what an inspiration so in whatever you do, don't ever give up, keep at it. 

Law #8. STRIVE FOR EXCELLENCE - I believe that if your focus is on being the absolute best you can be, every day, in whatever you are doing, then everything else will take care of itself if you strive for excellence, then success will surely follow. 

Law #9. LIVE WITH EXPECTANCY - living with expectancy to me means that we live with the expectations that your dreams, goals, and desires of your heart were put there by your maker and , so if you trust, it will be delivered to you if you truly believe so believe it, that today is your day, and live with expectancy.

Stop Criticizing Yourself

Has someone has ever caused you emotional pain with careless, mean or sarcastic remarks? What follows are some practical ideas to avoid that sort of pain in the future, and to also make sure that someone is not your own self.

Criticism can be a positive force at times. We must be able to handle it if we are to learn new skills. Without some form of feedback it would be hard to improve our performance or behavior.


But criticism also has the potential to inflict pain. It can cut very deep and even stay with us for our lifetime. Depending on how well you handle it, criticism has the potential to put serious limits on your life, or to take you forward into higher levels of personal performance.

The secret is how you handle the criticism you receive. The best response to criticism is to separate the facts from the opinions of others. A fact is something that is somehow provable and can be shown to be true. An opinion is an idea, or someone's personal interpretation of something.



Take your dog, for example. If you were to think, that's a beautiful dog, it would be an opinion. The underlying fact it that it is a dog you are referring. Your neighbor might think your dog is ordinary looking or even ugly. One thought - it is a dog - is an objective fact. The other thought - it is a beautiful dog - is a subjective opinion.

There are periods in our lives when other peoples' opinions of us seem more important than our own opinion. This especially occurs during our sensitive teenage years. When we are beginning to take our place as a young man or woman, the opinions of our peer's often have a huge impact.

Actually that is a natural part of becoming socialized. But we need to correct this as we become adults. Sooner or later we have to make a serious decision to have our own opinion of ourselves be the most important opinion.

A good skill to develop is the ability to choose your frame of reference. A frame of reference is the criteria by which we judge something to determine if it is valid.

There are two possible frames of reference: internal and external. Suppose you have completed a task at work. How do you know you have done it well? Does your direct supervisor tell you have done a great job, or do you just know without anyone saying so? The first frame of reference is external, and the second is internal.



Actually neither frame of reference is better than the other, and both have their own importance. When learning something new, having an external frame of reference may be useful. It can otherwise be difficult to reach beyond what we already know.



An internal frame of reference, on the other hand, has you deciding what is good, bad, or otherwise. If you use a personal feeling to judge yourself, you are using an internal frame of reference.



Deal positively with opinions. When you are thinking about yourself and how you are regarded, it is beneficial to create some solid, positive internal frames of reference.



People with strong self-esteem operate from a positive internal frame of reference regarding their personal worth. People with less self-esteem operate from an external frame of reference, and are more likely to accept other people's opinions of them. This is does not lead to a positive life experience.



Correct your own negative self-talk by focusing on what you what you do well. Be a little kinder and forgiving of yourself, and stop re-creating past painful judgments by bringing them into the present moment. The interesting to note is that this actually creates positive changes in your brain.