5 Fear Based Emotions That Destroy People

Let's face it.  There are only two ways to approach life.  You either honor the fears in your life, or you love your life.  You see, the opposite of fear is love.  If you honor the fears in your life, these 5 fear based emotions will destroy you.  What do you honor?  

1.  Anger.  Do you know anyone that is always angry?  These people are angry at everyone.  They are angry at their spouse, angry at their children, angry at their co-workers, angry at the traffic, angry at the long lines they are standing in,  angry, angry, angry.  

I know a few people like that, do you?   Have you ever thought to yourself, 'I wonder why that person is so angry?'  

I know I have.  One person in particular comes to mind.  With this particular person, my opinion is that this anger derives from feeling a lack of control.  I was always taught that if you have a need to be in control, then you are out of control.


But make no mistake, anger definitely comes from living in fear.  Maybe that person is fearful of losing a business, or losing an income, or losing a person in their life, or whatever.  


Read: Change Your Brain, Change Your Life (Revised and Expanded): The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Lack of Focus, Anger, and Memory Problems


2.  Jealousy.  Aah, the 'ole jealousy emotion.  This is by far the biggest destroyer of them all.  Excuse me here, but I have to relate this fear based emotion to relationships, more specifically a sexual based relationship.  After all, the most powerful emotion since the beginning of mankind is sex.  

If you suffer from severe jealousy of a spouse or partner, you need to take a closer look at yourself.  To overcome jealousy you have to overcome your own shortcomings.  The way I look at it, jealousy is a fear of being out of control. You can't control if someone cheats in a relationship anyway, if they are going to cheat you can't stop it, so don't fret it.  And again, a need to be in control means you are out of control.

3.  Resentment.  Carrying around resentment, in my opinion, comes from a failure to communicate and/or express your expectations of another.  Once again, I know a particular person that carries around loads of resentment for family members.  This person expects certain business family members to perform certain tasks, and when they fall short, resentment explodes.  The fact of the matter is that this family member that falls short of expectations doesn't even know that task or tasks was expected of them  in the first place.  A classic case of miscommunication.  

Resentment is totally created by the person carrying it.  It takes loads of energy to carry around resentment.  Refocus that energy in a focus,  productive way and just let go of this crippling emotion.

4.  Anxiety.  We all have felt this type of emotion in some way, shape, form or fashion.  Feeling anxious begins at an early age.  You are anxious because you don't want to be late for school, or you don't want to miss the bus, or you have to be home at a certain  time, or a certain project is approaching a deadline, and on and on.  

Feeling anxious, in my opinion, results from trying to meet certain expectations of others.  To relieve this emotion, simply replace your expectation or the expectations of others, with an aspiration.  You simply aspire to do your best.  You aspire to be on time.  You aspire to perform at your highest level.  When you aspire and not expect you are not disappointed, and your anxiety will fade.

5.  Insecurity.  The emotion of feeling insecure affects millions.  Feeling insecure in your relationships, your finances, your marriage, your job, etc.   A lack of self-esteem combined with a poor self-image is a major factor in feeling insecure.  How do you overcome feeling insecure?  My rule of thumb was always 'just go to work'.  Work hard, aspire to do your best, and let the chips fall where they may.  When you have a 'hard work attitude' combined with an aspiration to do your best, you self-image will increase dramatically.

Do you suffer from any of these 5 fear based emotions?  Remember, the opposite of fear is love.  Love casts out fear.  So, try loving more and letting go of fear.  You will see a dramatic effect in your life and your business.

Your Past is Not Your Future

Many persons have had extensive negative experiences throughout their lives. Perhaps they grew up in a divided or troubled family or hung around with the wrong people in the neighborhood when they were growing up.


Some people, unfortunately, go on to commit crimes and are eventually incarcerated for a number of years. Others have experienced physical as well as emotional abuse, depression, or other serious challenges along the way.



Perhaps you have not experienced any of the above, and your life may be relatively peaceful when compared to the above situations. Nevertheless, there is a likely chance that you have faltered in a number of areas up until now, and those failures may have weighed considerably upon you and kept you from realizing your goals.



Many people unfortunately let their past mistakes (as well as past experiences that were outside of their control) determine their present and future experiences. They dwell on the past problems instead of looking for future solutions. Always remember that many people have gone through the same experiences that you have had and have come out on the other side to experience success.



It is crucial that you remember this: where you're headed to is more important than where you've been.



The first step in experiencing real change in your life is to accept responsibility for your actions as difficult as this may be. So many people go through their adult life continuing to make excuses for their mistakes and never accepting complete responsibility as adults. Once you accept responsibility, you'll realize that you have choices to make each and every single day, and these choices will determine the future course of your life.



You may want to deny responsibility so that you don't have to take the blame for your failures. At the same time, accepting responsibility can be scary because there is always the possibility that you will fail in any given endeavor. However, accepting responsibility can also be a liberating and empowering step in your journey towards success.



This is simply because accepting responsibility helps eliminate excuses and all the negative emotions that you may experience when you blame others for your problems. At the same time, it gives you control and allows you to make decisions that will improve your life. You don't need permission from anyone else to begin making the right decisions. This simple truth can be quite liberating and your first step towards success.

Is It Too Late to Launch the Creative Business of Your Dreams? (Nope!)

If you were to jump off a cliff and launch the creative venture of your dreams, what would it be? Would you make films? Exhibit and sell your art or photography? Write a book? Motivate, teach and educate from the stage?



The possibilities are endless. So are the excuses not to make it happen. 



How do I know? I've been there.




Two years ago I made the decision to close my successful creative management agency and pursue my passion for coaching creative professionals, full time. And it was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made. 



For months and months, I wrestled with doubt and fear. After all, the choice to follow my intuition flew in the face of all logic. My agency was my primary source of income and I had dedicated 10 years to building a roster of top talent, as well as great relationships with high quality clients. Was I really about to let all of that go to pursue what I knew I was meant to do?




For months, I listened to the logical voice. I tried to maintain and grow both businesses (crazy town). I even tried to merge both businesses into one (not one of my better ideas). But I knew, deep down, if I was going to fulfill my potential and have the impact I knew I could in the world, I had to make the leap.




Does any of this sound familiar?




If you're teetering on the edge of sticking with what you know and jumping off the cliff (or perhaps you've been unceremoniously pushed off), I'd like to share some tips on how to take back your power and make the transition as smoothly as possible.




1) Embrace uncertainty



EVERYONE feels like this at times, sometimes during the course of one day! I'd even go so far as to say it's what gives entrepreneurs our edge. Being OK with being uncomfortable is the key to taking action on your big ideas, even in the midst of that roller coaster ride.




2) Test it out





When I made the decision to close my agency and focus solely on my current business I had been running both businesses for 4 years. While it was far from big enough to sustain me entirely, I'd proven it was a viable business, there was a need for what I had to offer and I could build it, if I had the time to devote myself fully to it. If you have an existing business or job, it's great to build your dream business on the side, so you can maintain that security while you build. If you've found yourself out of a job, there's no shame in taking a part time gig to bring in income while you build. There are no extra points for stressing about making your mortgage payment or putting food on the table. 




3) Lean into your future




I recently learned this "Paint a Picture" exercise from executive coach, Cameron Herald. He recommends grabbing a pen and pencil (I know, you creative love this one already!) and simply visualizing what your new business would look like in 3 years. Let's use the example of the photographer. Who buys your art? Where do you exhibit? What are the press saying about your work? How much do your pieces sell for? Who else is involves in producing your art? Do you have a studio or staff? What does your studio look like? What is a typical day for you? Who works for you, and what does their day look like? And so on. Go to town on visualizing your dream, you can figure out "the how" later. 




4) Do your homework




One of the most valuable exercises I did during my career change was research my new industry and figure out where I fit in. How did other coaches, speakers, writers and business consultants differentiate themselves? Who were their ideal clients? How did they package and present their services? How did they market themselves? What did they charge and how? What was their brand image and voice like? What did their website look like? Getting really clear on the landscape will (a) help you figure out where you fit in and (b) inspire you with lots of new ideas. I LOVE seeing others do what I do really, really well. It means it can be done and it inspires me to come up with new ideas and test them out. Don't be afraid to model (not copy) what others are successfully doing. There are no prizes for re-inventing the wheel! 




5) Tell your story in a new way




Transition can be a rocky time. It's also the perfect time to challenge all the assumptions you have about yourself. Can you really be defined by the label you've worked under for the last however many years? Does your resume really do justice to the unique blend of expertise, experiences, influences, successes (and yes, failures) that make you, uniquely you? This is your story, so why not tell it the way you want people to hear it? It means being transparent, sharing your vision freely and inviting others to join you (I know, scary!), but your audience will respect you for putting yourself out there and engage with you on an entirely new level. 




6) Hang out where your ideal clients are




Chances are, if you're launching a new venture, or entering into a new industry, your ideal client profile will change too. Find out where your ideal clients hang out and go fish where the fish are. Show up regularly. Start building relationships. Reach out to organizations that serve your community and offer your services (which gives your greater exposure). Before long, you'll have a dynamic network of prospects, collaborators, clients and referral partners to support you as you grow.




7) Get support




Venturing into uncharted territory isn't for the faint hearted and the more support you have the better. You WILL have bumpy days/weeks/months, as well as the GREAT times when you start to really fly. A good accountability buddy, mastermind group, or coach will be there for all of it. 




8) Get inspired by the AMAZING creators who found their calling (and success) later in life.




Here are a few to get you started: 
- Louise Bourgeois reached her greatest artistic success in her seventies and eighties. 
- Vincent Van Gogh had his first exhibition at age 32. 
- Vera Wang was a figure skater and journalist before entering the fashion industry at age 40. 
- Julia Child wrote her first cookbook when she was 50, launching her career as a celebrity chef. 
- Anna Mary Robertson Moses, better known as Grandma Moses, began her painting career at 78.

If you're ready to jump off the cliff, but would like some help building that plane, take action on these 8 tips! Your new life is waiting!

Guest Author: Justine Clay

How to Love Your Life More

How much do you love your life? 


This may be the very first time you have been asked this kind of question, but you should really be asking yourself this every day. Our decisions and choices create the life that we inhabit. It is possible, if you aren't paying attention to where it is all headed, that you may end up in some places you never really intended to go. While you can find no quick fixes, there are a few actions you can take to start your journey of getting back on track to loving your life.



1. Prioritize


In order to love our lives we should be spending a lot of our time and energy on aspects that mean the most to us. Yet often, we make decisions and say "yes" to incidentals that take away our time together with our energy. 


For you to move forward, it may be well to commence by considering what the top 3 priorities in your life actually are. If you answer family, creativity, and adventure, for instance then it could be difficult to love a life where you are doing little more than boring, repetitive tasks, and losing out on important time with your family. Consider whether your life, your career, your home, actually represent you and those things you hold dear?

Get your diary out and be in charge of your schedule. 

Bring what you enjoy into what you do. If you love cooking and you work in an office, bring home-made snacks to work for your colleagues to enjoy. For those who are lacking family time, check if you can manage to free more non-negotiable time to spend with your children and spouse every week. Start with small beginnings. Spend an extra hour every now and then on those things that are important to you. Make your time work for you. 

2. Manage Expectations


So often people make themselves sick with misery because their lives are just not meeting their expectations. Maybe your companion isn't the fairy tale soul mate you always fantasized about. Perhaps your job isn't the career that you envisioned when you were studying. It could be that you are living day to day at an age when you thought you could be financially more independent.


There is no need to reduce your expectations of a happy, full life. But in these situations it's wise to sit down and figure out whether unhappiness is the consequence of a situation that isn't helping you, or if you are comparing your life with an illusion. Accepting people, jobs and life for what they are right now can be a healing experience for many. Your partner, husband or wife may not be the perfect soul mate you dreamed about - but comparing them to someone else will only make you both miserable. 

3. Count What's There - Not What's Missing

Remind yourself about everything that is good in your life. What does your partner do better than anyone else? What does your job provide you that you've stayed on this long? What prompted you to choose this job in the first instance? Some of the best things in life are not the strategies that come to fruition, but the surprises that the process brings with it.

4. Take Time Out

Even if your life is fantastic, each of us needs a break once in a while. You may have a career you love or have a great family, but too much of a good thing can be bad for you. Fatigue sets in, you begin to feel depleted, resentful, and wonder about changing your circumstances. Maybe nothing is wrong with your situation - you just need to stand back and take a breather. 


Research shows that people gain more benefit before their holiday than during or after the holiday. This has led scientists to suggest that anticipation of a holiday can be as important as the holiday itself. Plan and schedule regular vacations, spread out your annual leave to some shorter holidays distributed throughout the year, and get regular mini-breaks such as a night out with friends, weekend camping trips to get a change of scenery, and taking time to just be by yourself and do absolutely nothing at all. 


Time spent alone is important for mental and emotional well-being. Take more control over your daily schedule and arrange for regular alone time. Take yourself on a date to a book shop, do the gardening, go for a run, or embark on an adventure.

5. Find Your Passion

Experiencing passion is an important part of living a contented and meaningful life. Inject passion into every day, even weekdays as you work and don't feel particularly passionate. If you search hard enough, you will always find some aspect to ignite your passion. 


When passion is lacking, it can be re-ignited by your favorite food, taking a course, or a night out with friends. Passion can derive from anywhere - it can be reading, creativity, saving animals, playing sports, your friends, or visiting distant countries. Passion can come from something quite modest, such as drinking a coffee. There is no right or wrong. Notice that evoke true excitement from deep inside you, and also notice what kind of person inspires you.


What famous or notable person do you most wish you could be like? This might be the first step in realizing how to live the life you love. If you really aren't sure what your passions are, start with a fresh slate and learn something you've never tried before. 


Take a course in something you're interested in learning; visit a new town; try some exotic dishes; start meeting new people, or check online and start following blogs on any subjects that interest you. Many of the world's finest chefs, writers, artists, designers, architects, athletes, innovators and entrepreneurs blog regularly about their thoughts, ideas and advice.

6. Learn to Love Yourself 

Discovering a life you love is only possible if you can love yourself. This does not mean arrogance or denying that you've got faults. Loving yourself focuses on being your own best friend, a person who accepts you on both good days, and bad days when things don't go to plan. 


Acknowledge and accept your flaws and shortcomings, but resolve to look after yourself well. You deserve to be loved and treated well, not only by yourself but also by others. You deserve a decent life that makes you happy. Not because you are perfect, but even though you are flawed and human, and even though you may find it difficult at times, you still deserve to be treated with kindness and compassion. 

This isn't always easy. We don't necessarily learn to be good to ourselves while growing up. It is a skill that grows with time, and will continue to grow stronger provided we work at it. And the greater amount of love we give to our self, the less we will have to run around fixing problems or finding solutions. Loving your life can become a habit. 

Most importantly, foster an 'attitude of gratitude' for the gift that is your life, and for everything there is in it. It may not be perfect, but it is yours -- and now is the time to live it.

Be Yourself - Free Yourself To Dance With Life!

"You were born an original. Don't die a copy." - John Mason.



That's what John Mason says, and of course he is right.



I mean, do you know anybody, any parent, any friend, any colleague, who would advise you otherwise? Of course you don't! Of course you have to be yourself, how could you be anybody else?



But hang on there! It's not that easy. There are pressures on you, me and everyone to not be ourselves...



* How about "getting on" in life?



* How about keeping your head down and out of the firing line at work?



* Or how about joining in with all the other kids at school - even though you hate what they do - just so you don't lose any 'popularity'?



Yep, being yourself is not easy! It has consequences that are far reaching and even a little uncomfortable at times.



So John Mason's right, but we need a bit of help here, if we are to succeed in being who we truly are.



"The challenge is to be yourself in a world that's trying to get you to be like everyone else."



Hmm, I'm not sure who said this - think it's anonymous - but I have it framed in a picture in my bedroom.



Y'know, I love these words! But they do sound a bit defensive, don't you think? As if everyone is out there trying to change us. And that isn't true. No, the real challenge is to understand that people are frightened of being themselves, and thus are frightened of others when they try to be themselves. It reminds them of their fear, y'see. And nobody likes being reminded of their fears. And we always, always (instinctively!) "shoot the messenger", don't we!



So our friends and family like it if we like the same things as they do. And if we think the same thoughts as they do, too. Life is just 'easier' that way, isn't it?



Another truth about life - and you're not gonna like this, I'm sure - is that, deep down, we all pretty much believe that life would be so much easier if people were just a bit more 'reasonable', a bit more like us!



So, being yourself - it's obviously the thing to aim for, but it's certainly not easy.



Still...



"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not." -- Andre Gide



Hmm, yes I do think Andre is onto something here.



So what are the rewards for truly being yourself?



Well, simply put, it's like walking in the direction you're facing.



It's like riding a bike downhill with your feet off the pedals ("wheeeh!"), rather than having to pedal uphill.



It's like, well it's like going with the flow, really...



"Learn to... be what you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not." -- Henri Frederic Amiel



Hmm, if that isn't a definition of flow then I don't know what is. And in case you're not familiar with the word 'flow', it also means 'dance' and 'laugh', and it definitely means 'life'.



For life is all about flow. Flow up. Flow down. But keep moving, keep flowing.



Learn to be who you are. And accept who you are not. And love both.



Okay, we're nearly done on this light-hearted journey of discovering the importance of being yourself. So let me finish my article with my all all-time favourite inspirational quote. It's a quotation from Galileo Galilei, and Galileo said this:



"You can't teach anybody anything, only make them realize the answers are already inside them."



I really do believe what Galileo is saying here.



He's saying that we have all the power we need, we just need to recognise that fact. He's saying that our life is for our taking. He's saying that we need to trust ourselves more.



And I think if we do this, if I do this, then our lives (my life) WILL be the original it was always intended to be.



Yes, we will fill our lives with mistakes that many others won't make.



And, yes, we can learn from others - we can always learn from others.



But, as Galileo advises, we really must teach ourselves.



And then, armed with this true self-belief, we truly will be able to free ourselves and dance with life.



That's what I say, anyway.



Thanks for reading.



Enjoy being yourself.



Enjoy the dance...

---

And if you like these inspirational quotes (and my explanations of what they can mean to us all) then you'll love my Weekly Wonder newsletter. Subscribe here, and get a free inspirational quotes ebook - http://www.selfhelpcollective.com/newsletter.html




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