Forgiveness -- The Eraser of Anger

Forgiveness really is the eraser of anger and guilt. It is the key that opens the shackles of the past and permits us to move on with our life in a freer, far lighter way. Once we realize this we can begin the process of healing that we deserve. 

Keep these approaches in mind as you consider things and move along on your journey of forgiveness: 

-- Your ultimate aim is to release the hurt and the rage that is feeding the pain. Just as you can heal from a painful thorn in your finger by taking it out, so you can recover from a hurtful experience by leaving it behind. When it doesn't have any place deep in your heart and mind, it can no longer fester, and the hurt can finally come to a stop. Choosing to forgive means you allow those bad feelings to leave your life for good.

-- It's essential to replace bad feelings with neutral ones. When the facts remain unchanged, but those facts no longer have the capacity to damage, then you are free of the past. You change from being a victim to the victor. You are human, and it's natural that you can be hurt. People really are resilient, and because you are human you can recover - from a love betrayal or awful, unfair experiences in your life. If you find yourself still reacting, then you have not broken free from the emotional chains of past experience. Through forgiveness you can be free of those toxic reactions. 

-- Humor is a wonderful agent of healing. If you are able to smile about the love that once hurt you, or joke about the years you fought with a sibling, family member, or lover then you trade pain for a different emotion. That heavy load is lifted, substituted by a much lighter new found feeling that can even put a spring in your step. The healing power of forgiveness comes from our ability to move on from our anger and resentment. These emotions don't really hurt those who have hurt us, but nonetheless they absolutely do hurt us. When we forgive we protect ourselves; we clear our mind, our emotions, and a good deal of our time. Focusing on more empowering and positive areas frees and moves away from the event or person who has hurt us. 

Forgiveness removes us from harm's way. As far as we continue to dwell on and focus on hurt in the past, continually reacting to the pain someone has created, we remain emotionally stuck with that person and with what they have done. Forgiveness breaks the chains that lock. With it we take a gigantic step forward with our lives, releasing the negativity and shielding our self from toxic emotional involvement. 

-- Constantly going over a hurtful experience over and again keeps it fresh in the mind, creating mental and emotional upset. Should the topic arise in conversation, it's a lot better to respond with: 'I'm choosing not to focus on that incident. I'm letting it fade from my life, and I'm moving on to happier things.' 

-- One of the most important factors of the healing process is our own self-talk. What we say to our self is the most powerful driving force. Choosing words that feel authentic, we may say: 'I choose to feel wonderful today. Regardless what others may say or do, my happiness comes from within. I alone determine how I feel.' 

Affirmations such as: 'I am now taking care of the child within, and I am doing a really good job. I alone have direct control over my psychological well being. I look at the positive things in life. I wake up every day and focus on things that are beautiful and right.' 

Once we finally come to see that our anger hurts only ourselves, then we are able to arrive at that state where forgiveness becomes reality. Through forgiveness we draw that line under the past and allow ourselves to move on with our life. 

In this state of grace, we can finally move on from the past, and at last begin to live the life with which we have been gifted.

5 Fear Based Emotions That Destroy People

Let's face it.  There are only two ways to approach life.  You either honor the fears in your life, or you love your life.  You see, the opposite of fear is love.  If you honor the fears in your life, these 5 fear based emotions will destroy you.  What do you honor?  

1.  Anger.  Do you know anyone that is always angry?  These people are angry at everyone.  They are angry at their spouse, angry at their children, angry at their co-workers, angry at the traffic, angry at the long lines they are standing in,  angry, angry, angry.  

I know a few people like that, do you?   Have you ever thought to yourself, 'I wonder why that person is so angry?'  

I know I have.  One person in particular comes to mind.  With this particular person, my opinion is that this anger derives from feeling a lack of control.  I was always taught that if you have a need to be in control, then you are out of control.


But make no mistake, anger definitely comes from living in fear.  Maybe that person is fearful of losing a business, or losing an income, or losing a person in their life, or whatever.  


Read: Change Your Brain, Change Your Life (Revised and Expanded): The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Lack of Focus, Anger, and Memory Problems


2.  Jealousy.  Aah, the 'ole jealousy emotion.  This is by far the biggest destroyer of them all.  Excuse me here, but I have to relate this fear based emotion to relationships, more specifically a sexual based relationship.  After all, the most powerful emotion since the beginning of mankind is sex.  

If you suffer from severe jealousy of a spouse or partner, you need to take a closer look at yourself.  To overcome jealousy you have to overcome your own shortcomings.  The way I look at it, jealousy is a fear of being out of control. You can't control if someone cheats in a relationship anyway, if they are going to cheat you can't stop it, so don't fret it.  And again, a need to be in control means you are out of control.

3.  Resentment.  Carrying around resentment, in my opinion, comes from a failure to communicate and/or express your expectations of another.  Once again, I know a particular person that carries around loads of resentment for family members.  This person expects certain business family members to perform certain tasks, and when they fall short, resentment explodes.  The fact of the matter is that this family member that falls short of expectations doesn't even know that task or tasks was expected of them  in the first place.  A classic case of miscommunication.  

Resentment is totally created by the person carrying it.  It takes loads of energy to carry around resentment.  Refocus that energy in a focus,  productive way and just let go of this crippling emotion.

4.  Anxiety.  We all have felt this type of emotion in some way, shape, form or fashion.  Feeling anxious begins at an early age.  You are anxious because you don't want to be late for school, or you don't want to miss the bus, or you have to be home at a certain  time, or a certain project is approaching a deadline, and on and on.  

Feeling anxious, in my opinion, results from trying to meet certain expectations of others.  To relieve this emotion, simply replace your expectation or the expectations of others, with an aspiration.  You simply aspire to do your best.  You aspire to be on time.  You aspire to perform at your highest level.  When you aspire and not expect you are not disappointed, and your anxiety will fade.

5.  Insecurity.  The emotion of feeling insecure affects millions.  Feeling insecure in your relationships, your finances, your marriage, your job, etc.   A lack of self-esteem combined with a poor self-image is a major factor in feeling insecure.  How do you overcome feeling insecure?  My rule of thumb was always 'just go to work'.  Work hard, aspire to do your best, and let the chips fall where they may.  When you have a 'hard work attitude' combined with an aspiration to do your best, you self-image will increase dramatically.

Do you suffer from any of these 5 fear based emotions?  Remember, the opposite of fear is love.  Love casts out fear.  So, try loving more and letting go of fear.  You will see a dramatic effect in your life and your business.

Personal Development Tips That Will Improve Your Life

Growing to become the best person that you can be is really what personal development is all about. The best way to be successful is with your persona; growth is to learn as much information as you can and to apply that information whenever possible. 

Place your personal central principles into practice. Each person has his or her center of beliefs. Use your faith in these principles to drive your faith in yourself. If you do this you will encourage you to be consistent, it is an great trait to have.

When considering your own personal development, focus on leadership. Leadership has many different definitions, but the common theme is influence. 

Evaluate your leadership skills honestly. 

What experiences have had the greatest impact on your life? 
What kind of skills have you acquired? 
What skills would you contribute to a group? 


Analyzing these questions can help you generate a team perspective and allow you to lead by example.

If you hope to advance your state of knowledge regarding personal development, it can help to show a little humility. When you realize how insignificant you really are, you will begin to understand you have more to learn.

Once this concept is ingrained in your brain, you will be eager to learn new skills and expand your knowledge in order to improve yourself.

You should stay in great physical condition in order to get the best out of personal development.

Simple things such as getting plenty of quality sleep, eating a nutritious diet and exercising regularly will keep your energy levels up and give you a better chance of reaching the personal development goals you have set for yourself. While it appears easy and simple, getting in shape can also be very challenging. 

Create a written pep talk for yourself. On a postcard, write down all of your best qualities. Keep it handy, and when you need a little motivation, read it. For even more powerful results, record a video of yourself reading your list and watch it frequently. Sounds intriguing, right?

Instead of bragging about achievements, you should ask others about theirs.  

Respectfully listening to the successes of others can help you to gain insight into your own inner life as well as allowing you to connect with others in a meaningful way.

Whereas trying to fix your problems yourself is always a great idea, sometimes you might have to seek out professional help.

Self help books are useful to an extent, but they lack the substance or personal touch that a therapist can provide to a patient. There are many times when talking with another person about a stressful situation is the most effective route to relaxation. Reading a book won't let you have a dialog the way therapists do.

You may find it helpful to discuss your issues with a counselor or other trusted professional, such as your pastor. They have a great deal of experience in dealing with personal thoughts and are even licensed to do so. These impartial listeners can provide a sympathetic ear or help you deal with troublesome areas of your life. 

Getting your problems out in the open with a professional should give you a much healthier outlook on your own life.

If you use these tips in this article, you can begin your journey to personal development. Keep current with new information to keep adding to your strategies towards personal development.

Great Personal Development Tips That Can Help You Reach Your Goals

Personal development can be confusing. It is often hard to know which step to take next. We are each unique. One technique may work for another person, but not for you, and vice-versa. Nonetheless, studying ideas in personal development is the best way to create your own plan, so continue reading tips like these, books and articles. 

Happiness is often lost to stress. You are harming yourself mentally and physically when there is too much stress in your life. So that we think clearly and work toward our goals in life, it is important that we eliminate stress from our minds. Have some time every day when you can relax and meditate in solitude. Taking the time to renew your center will help you to find peace within yourself.

Always read from multiple sources on personal development. Personal development books that are well written, insightful and instructive can provide you with the information you need to significantly enhance your outlook and your life. When selecting a book, look for positive reviews so that you can have a better idea of the purchase you are about to make.

Live your life according to your values. Everyone has certain beliefs that reinforce their sense of self at the core. If you have a good foundation to depend them upon (and you should), your self esteem will benefit from adherence to your core principles. Truly practicing these principles you believe in will give integrity to your character. 

Base your development plan on your values and goals. Trying to change yourself in ways that are not in line with your values, is not a good idea. When you change your attitude and perspective, difficult situations become easier to manage. By spending your time in these specific areas, you can make the changes in the areas that matter and have these changes stick with you. 

Identify your personal values to help you determine your personal development plan. Focusing on areas you don't value, doesn't make sense. Focus on positive aspects to improve. These aspects should mesh with your values. This allows you to implement personal and professional changes that will last forever. 

You need to have an emergency fund. Each time an unexpected expense crops up, it seems we wind up adding it to our credit cards. Putting back a few dollars weekly can build an emergency fund quickly. This "rainy day fund" gives the security of knowing we can manage our expenses and pay off our debts. 

 You need to care for yourself before you can care for others. Take time for rest and relaxation, whether your health is good or poor. 

If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be able to take care of others. Regardless of where you are on your path, whether you are thriving or failing, take the time to rest and restore yourself. 

Write a pep talk about yourself. List all of your good qualities on a postcard. Keep this card with you, and read through it when you feel your confidence flagging. Even better, read it aloud on video and watch the video often. Sounds intriguing, right? 

Do you frequently consume alcohol? The harmful ingredients in cigarettes can cause COPD, cancer and a huge list of other diseases. The body is sacred, and needs to be maintained accordingly. Deleting harmful patterns and obsessions will undoubtedly lead to an improved standard of living. Examine your habits, and determine whether any of them are harmful. Work toward eliminating them.
 

Therapy is indicated if you feel you cannot deal with your problems. Reading books on self-help may only take you so far. The personal consultation with a therapist gives more direct and focused help. Some people can find success in achieving their psychological issues just by being able to talk to someone about them. There is no way to have an open discussion with a book, though you can with a therapist. 

Do you consume alcohol more than you should? Are nicotine or other destructive habits something that harms you? Your body should be treated with the respect it deserves. If you want to start improving your life, you have to stop engaging in harmful activities. Look at your life, and decide if you have any bad habits that you need to work on getting rid of. 

This article should have shown you that helping yourself involves a lot of hard work to start making viable changes in your life. If you want to see results though, you must give these self help ideas more than a day to work. A more fulfilling life can be just as accessible as this article.

Stop Criticizing Yourself

Has someone has ever caused you emotional pain with careless, mean or sarcastic remarks? What follows are some practical ideas to avoid that sort of pain in the future, and to also make sure that someone is not your own self.

Criticism can be a positive force at times. We must be able to handle it if we are to learn new skills. Without some form of feedback it would be hard to improve our performance or behavior.


But criticism also has the potential to inflict pain. It can cut very deep and even stay with us for our lifetime. Depending on how well you handle it, criticism has the potential to put serious limits on your life, or to take you forward into higher levels of personal performance.

The secret is how you handle the criticism you receive. The best response to criticism is to separate the facts from the opinions of others. A fact is something that is somehow provable and can be shown to be true. An opinion is an idea, or someone's personal interpretation of something.



Take your dog, for example. If you were to think, that's a beautiful dog, it would be an opinion. The underlying fact it that it is a dog you are referring. Your neighbor might think your dog is ordinary looking or even ugly. One thought - it is a dog - is an objective fact. The other thought - it is a beautiful dog - is a subjective opinion.

There are periods in our lives when other peoples' opinions of us seem more important than our own opinion. This especially occurs during our sensitive teenage years. When we are beginning to take our place as a young man or woman, the opinions of our peer's often have a huge impact.

Actually that is a natural part of becoming socialized. But we need to correct this as we become adults. Sooner or later we have to make a serious decision to have our own opinion of ourselves be the most important opinion.

A good skill to develop is the ability to choose your frame of reference. A frame of reference is the criteria by which we judge something to determine if it is valid.

There are two possible frames of reference: internal and external. Suppose you have completed a task at work. How do you know you have done it well? Does your direct supervisor tell you have done a great job, or do you just know without anyone saying so? The first frame of reference is external, and the second is internal.



Actually neither frame of reference is better than the other, and both have their own importance. When learning something new, having an external frame of reference may be useful. It can otherwise be difficult to reach beyond what we already know.



An internal frame of reference, on the other hand, has you deciding what is good, bad, or otherwise. If you use a personal feeling to judge yourself, you are using an internal frame of reference.



Deal positively with opinions. When you are thinking about yourself and how you are regarded, it is beneficial to create some solid, positive internal frames of reference.



People with strong self-esteem operate from a positive internal frame of reference regarding their personal worth. People with less self-esteem operate from an external frame of reference, and are more likely to accept other people's opinions of them. This is does not lead to a positive life experience.



Correct your own negative self-talk by focusing on what you what you do well. Be a little kinder and forgiving of yourself, and stop re-creating past painful judgments by bringing them into the present moment. The interesting to note is that this actually creates positive changes in your brain.