5 Fear Based Emotions That Destroy People

Let's face it.  There are only two ways to approach life.  You either honor the fears in your life, or you love your life.  You see, the opposite of fear is love.  If you honor the fears in your life, these 5 fear based emotions will destroy you.  What do you honor?  

1.  Anger.  Do you know anyone that is always angry?  These people are angry at everyone.  They are angry at their spouse, angry at their children, angry at their co-workers, angry at the traffic, angry at the long lines they are standing in,  angry, angry, angry.  

I know a few people like that, do you?   Have you ever thought to yourself, 'I wonder why that person is so angry?'  

I know I have.  One person in particular comes to mind.  With this particular person, my opinion is that this anger derives from feeling a lack of control.  I was always taught that if you have a need to be in control, then you are out of control.


But make no mistake, anger definitely comes from living in fear.  Maybe that person is fearful of losing a business, or losing an income, or losing a person in their life, or whatever.  


Read: Change Your Brain, Change Your Life (Revised and Expanded): The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Lack of Focus, Anger, and Memory Problems


2.  Jealousy.  Aah, the 'ole jealousy emotion.  This is by far the biggest destroyer of them all.  Excuse me here, but I have to relate this fear based emotion to relationships, more specifically a sexual based relationship.  After all, the most powerful emotion since the beginning of mankind is sex.  

If you suffer from severe jealousy of a spouse or partner, you need to take a closer look at yourself.  To overcome jealousy you have to overcome your own shortcomings.  The way I look at it, jealousy is a fear of being out of control. You can't control if someone cheats in a relationship anyway, if they are going to cheat you can't stop it, so don't fret it.  And again, a need to be in control means you are out of control.

3.  Resentment.  Carrying around resentment, in my opinion, comes from a failure to communicate and/or express your expectations of another.  Once again, I know a particular person that carries around loads of resentment for family members.  This person expects certain business family members to perform certain tasks, and when they fall short, resentment explodes.  The fact of the matter is that this family member that falls short of expectations doesn't even know that task or tasks was expected of them  in the first place.  A classic case of miscommunication.  

Resentment is totally created by the person carrying it.  It takes loads of energy to carry around resentment.  Refocus that energy in a focus,  productive way and just let go of this crippling emotion.

4.  Anxiety.  We all have felt this type of emotion in some way, shape, form or fashion.  Feeling anxious begins at an early age.  You are anxious because you don't want to be late for school, or you don't want to miss the bus, or you have to be home at a certain  time, or a certain project is approaching a deadline, and on and on.  

Feeling anxious, in my opinion, results from trying to meet certain expectations of others.  To relieve this emotion, simply replace your expectation or the expectations of others, with an aspiration.  You simply aspire to do your best.  You aspire to be on time.  You aspire to perform at your highest level.  When you aspire and not expect you are not disappointed, and your anxiety will fade.

5.  Insecurity.  The emotion of feeling insecure affects millions.  Feeling insecure in your relationships, your finances, your marriage, your job, etc.   A lack of self-esteem combined with a poor self-image is a major factor in feeling insecure.  How do you overcome feeling insecure?  My rule of thumb was always 'just go to work'.  Work hard, aspire to do your best, and let the chips fall where they may.  When you have a 'hard work attitude' combined with an aspiration to do your best, you self-image will increase dramatically.

Do you suffer from any of these 5 fear based emotions?  Remember, the opposite of fear is love.  Love casts out fear.  So, try loving more and letting go of fear.  You will see a dramatic effect in your life and your business.

6 Habits That Lead To Happiness

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So often we count what is missing from our lives, focusing on what is not there.  

In doing this, we create a form of "negative hallucination," a state of mind that blinds us to so much of what is actually there -- a really self-defeating way to pass our days. 

By dwelling on what we lack we create feelings of deprivation and unhappiness that can eclipse the spirit and block our ability to experience the simple joy of being alive. 

If we really do want to live a more fulfilled and joyful life then cultivating a sense of gratitude is a key ingredient. 

Gratitude for all that we have, for all that is there, brings with it a deeper appreciation of life itself. 

Research has shown (1) that gratitude is an essential element in our ability to experience genuine happiness.  

Change Your MInd 

Not only that, but expressing gratitude can help change your mind in a positive way, and actually have a physical affect on the brain, changing it in positive ways. 

Gratefulness and life satisfaction just seem to go hand in hand (2). 

Here are six habits that grateful people cultivate. They are the keys to increased joy and contentment. 

 1. Grateful people do not expect life to give them every single thing they desire. They live with the understanding that no one can have everything they want, when they want it, and that this is okay. They are appreciative of all they have, and are less likely to envy what others have. 

 2. Grateful people take nothing for granted. They do their best to see the positive outcome in situations and experiences and are not afraid to work towards those outcomes. They do not take the good things in their lives for granted. 

 3. Grateful people work with things as they are. They do not insist that conditions be exactly right before they can be happy. Appreciative of all they have, they accept life's shortcomings, while working on their own, and welcome joy and happiness into their lives unconditionally. 

 4. Grateful people realize that they cannot have the sunshine without also having the rain. They understand that no one can live in a perpetual state of happiness, accepting that difficult times will sometimes come. They have learned to respect and be grateful for life in all its diversity. 

 5. Grateful people cultivate flexible thinking habits. They have learned to adapt to life circumstances and can adjust their thinking to the situation. Gratitude and rigid thinking make a poor fit, and so they make allowances for other people's perceptions and opinions. 

 6. Grateful people do not define themselves by their regrets. They appreciate their abilities while working to improve them, accepting responsibility for their actions while working towards their positive future. Cultivate these habits of gratitude and you really will reap some wonderful benefits. 

What are you waiting for? 

Why not start right now! 

References: 

(1) Emmons, R. A. (2007). Thanks!: How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier

 New York: Houghton Mifflin Company. 

(2) Watkins, P. C., Grimm, D. L., & Kolts, R. (2004). Counting your blessings: Positive memories among grateful persons. Current Psychology: Developmental, Learning, Personality, Social, 23, 52-67.--

How to Love Your Life More

How much do you love your life? 


This may be the very first time you have been asked this kind of question, but you should really be asking yourself this every day. Our decisions and choices create the life that we inhabit. It is possible, if you aren't paying attention to where it is all headed, that you may end up in some places you never really intended to go. While you can find no quick fixes, there are a few actions you can take to start your journey of getting back on track to loving your life.



1. Prioritize


In order to love our lives we should be spending a lot of our time and energy on aspects that mean the most to us. Yet often, we make decisions and say "yes" to incidentals that take away our time together with our energy. 


For you to move forward, it may be well to commence by considering what the top 3 priorities in your life actually are. If you answer family, creativity, and adventure, for instance then it could be difficult to love a life where you are doing little more than boring, repetitive tasks, and losing out on important time with your family. Consider whether your life, your career, your home, actually represent you and those things you hold dear?

Get your diary out and be in charge of your schedule. 

Bring what you enjoy into what you do. If you love cooking and you work in an office, bring home-made snacks to work for your colleagues to enjoy. For those who are lacking family time, check if you can manage to free more non-negotiable time to spend with your children and spouse every week. Start with small beginnings. Spend an extra hour every now and then on those things that are important to you. Make your time work for you. 

2. Manage Expectations


So often people make themselves sick with misery because their lives are just not meeting their expectations. Maybe your companion isn't the fairy tale soul mate you always fantasized about. Perhaps your job isn't the career that you envisioned when you were studying. It could be that you are living day to day at an age when you thought you could be financially more independent.


There is no need to reduce your expectations of a happy, full life. But in these situations it's wise to sit down and figure out whether unhappiness is the consequence of a situation that isn't helping you, or if you are comparing your life with an illusion. Accepting people, jobs and life for what they are right now can be a healing experience for many. Your partner, husband or wife may not be the perfect soul mate you dreamed about - but comparing them to someone else will only make you both miserable. 

3. Count What's There - Not What's Missing

Remind yourself about everything that is good in your life. What does your partner do better than anyone else? What does your job provide you that you've stayed on this long? What prompted you to choose this job in the first instance? Some of the best things in life are not the strategies that come to fruition, but the surprises that the process brings with it.

4. Take Time Out

Even if your life is fantastic, each of us needs a break once in a while. You may have a career you love or have a great family, but too much of a good thing can be bad for you. Fatigue sets in, you begin to feel depleted, resentful, and wonder about changing your circumstances. Maybe nothing is wrong with your situation - you just need to stand back and take a breather. 


Research shows that people gain more benefit before their holiday than during or after the holiday. This has led scientists to suggest that anticipation of a holiday can be as important as the holiday itself. Plan and schedule regular vacations, spread out your annual leave to some shorter holidays distributed throughout the year, and get regular mini-breaks such as a night out with friends, weekend camping trips to get a change of scenery, and taking time to just be by yourself and do absolutely nothing at all. 


Time spent alone is important for mental and emotional well-being. Take more control over your daily schedule and arrange for regular alone time. Take yourself on a date to a book shop, do the gardening, go for a run, or embark on an adventure.

5. Find Your Passion

Experiencing passion is an important part of living a contented and meaningful life. Inject passion into every day, even weekdays as you work and don't feel particularly passionate. If you search hard enough, you will always find some aspect to ignite your passion. 


When passion is lacking, it can be re-ignited by your favorite food, taking a course, or a night out with friends. Passion can derive from anywhere - it can be reading, creativity, saving animals, playing sports, your friends, or visiting distant countries. Passion can come from something quite modest, such as drinking a coffee. There is no right or wrong. Notice that evoke true excitement from deep inside you, and also notice what kind of person inspires you.


What famous or notable person do you most wish you could be like? This might be the first step in realizing how to live the life you love. If you really aren't sure what your passions are, start with a fresh slate and learn something you've never tried before. 


Take a course in something you're interested in learning; visit a new town; try some exotic dishes; start meeting new people, or check online and start following blogs on any subjects that interest you. Many of the world's finest chefs, writers, artists, designers, architects, athletes, innovators and entrepreneurs blog regularly about their thoughts, ideas and advice.

6. Learn to Love Yourself 

Discovering a life you love is only possible if you can love yourself. This does not mean arrogance or denying that you've got faults. Loving yourself focuses on being your own best friend, a person who accepts you on both good days, and bad days when things don't go to plan. 


Acknowledge and accept your flaws and shortcomings, but resolve to look after yourself well. You deserve to be loved and treated well, not only by yourself but also by others. You deserve a decent life that makes you happy. Not because you are perfect, but even though you are flawed and human, and even though you may find it difficult at times, you still deserve to be treated with kindness and compassion. 

This isn't always easy. We don't necessarily learn to be good to ourselves while growing up. It is a skill that grows with time, and will continue to grow stronger provided we work at it. And the greater amount of love we give to our self, the less we will have to run around fixing problems or finding solutions. Loving your life can become a habit. 

Most importantly, foster an 'attitude of gratitude' for the gift that is your life, and for everything there is in it. It may not be perfect, but it is yours -- and now is the time to live it.

Why You Should Keep Your Relationship Off Of Facebook

Too many couples seem to need the excitement of drama and/or the support of others when they're going through happy times or not so happy times. 

When everyone else finds out exciting details of their relationship, other people just need the attention that will come their way. 

You should keep in mind that you could actually be putting your relationship in jeopardy when you're tempted to blab all of the details of your relationship all over Facebook.

The main reason for that is the more people, strangers or non-strangers that you allow into your relationship, the less chance there is that it will work out the way you were hoping. 

Couples should work out their own issues in their relationships. If they can't do that on their own, they should see someone professional for help, like a counselor. Someone trained to help couples with their problems stand a better chance of getting them resolved and remaining together.

Your relationship stands a chance of being ruined for all time when you draw in your personal friends as well as Facebook friends that you barely know. 

These friends only know one side of the story: yours. In addition, since they're on your friends lists, they're going to take your side in things. Now, while you may not want to admit or accept it, there is a slight chance that you're the one in the wrong.

However, your friends are going to encourage you into believing that everything happened just as you said it did, and there will be no true resolution because you're going to continue believing that you did nothing wrong.

Typically, in most situations, both partners have contributed to the argument, breakup, or whatever has gone wrong in the relationship. 

While your Facebook friends are boosting your side of the story, you can bet that your partner's friends are boosting his.

Do yourself, your partner and your relationship a favor, and keep your details off of your Facebook page. When you need to straighten something out within your relationship, it should stay between the two of you and not a thousand people that are, for the most part, strangers in your lives. They're not going to really help fix things.

Your Facebook friends are certainly there to share your joys and triumphs as well as your sorrows and heartaches. 

You can have things just for the two of you that will make your relationship even more intimate. Keep this in mind when you are tempted to broadcast your relationship to all of your Facebook friends.