How To Take Control Of Your Emotions

Do Emotions Control Your Life?

To a certain degree, yes I do think that emotions can control your life and for many people, they are also running their lives. Emotions are pre-determined and they make us human. Some people think that you can merely ignore your emotions or even worse, try eliminate all emotion from their life! 

The problem with this belief is that no matter what you try to do, no matter how hard you try to suppress the way you feel, your emotions will always win. They are banging on the door of your mind. The more you try to ignore it, the louder and louder they bang and the harder and harder they pound. This is where some people will inevitably bottle up these emotions until they explode and depending on their personality type, each person will respond in a different way, none of which are particularly pretty to witness. Some time ago, there was a lady who knew her husband was cheating on her, she knew and remained silent for the good of her kids, but also because she was so scared to lose him. The longer and longer this went on, the more and more it became apparent that the cycle of endless cheating would not end. More than a year down the line, she could not take being hurt any longer and just up and left.

Now why did this happen? Simple, she bottled up all the emotions that she had, which she subsequently decided to ignore. Emotions are not something that should be considered as a weakness or a negative thing, they are there to serve as a warning that one or more of your beliefs and life rules have been violated. This woman never pulled her husband up on the belief that he was cheating. If she had, she may well have found that actually, the husband was not cheating on her at all, he was working another job just to feed their family.

Now there was clearly a big issue with communication, as a matter of fact there was no communication and this was a big part of the problem. However this is not something that I will cover in this article. The point here is that emotions can not only be warning signs, they can be felt by people as a result of some one's perception of a particular situation, even if the situation is being perceived completely wrong. This lady took her husband's absence as a violation of her own rules, perceiving it to be that he didn't care about her or want to be with her, she then created a story in her mind as to why he wasn't spending time with her and showing her that he still cared, when really he was just incredibly burnt out.

Now, emotions serve as a very useful tool for anyone trying to improve the quality of their own life, their business, and their relationships, so let's take a brief look at the 10 emotions I Believe to be directly responsible for the quality of one's life.

The 10 Emotions


Discomfort - this is not an extreme emotion but will leave you feeling uneasy feeling as if something is not quite "right"

Fear - this is possibly one of the most useful as it is a clear warning sign for us. Scared, frightened, are words that could be used to described this emotion

Hurt - this could be when someone violates one of your rules that you live life by, this can also be linked to a feeling of loss, which could be tangible or intangible, depending on the situation that can caused this emotion

Anger - being enraged, livid and aggressive, this emotion can be the most externally shown emotion and can take many people by surprise through the actions of the person experiencing it

Frustration - this is an emotion that entrepreneurs and business people often experience and can stop even the most dedicated people in their tracks. This can be altered to serve you in your endeavours as with the other emotions which I will explain shortly.

Disappointment - a feeling of not quite making it, not performing at best or being let down are often used to describe this emotion.

Guilt - This is an emotion that you must act on quickly if you can to stop it from growing root. Sometimes this may not be possible because it has been left too long already, but this can potentially be another devastating emotion if people do not control it.

Inadequacy - the feeling of not being as good as the next person, not as smart, not as strong, not an equal.

Being overwhelmed/Depressed - sometimes people go into a state whereby they describe themselves as being depressed and overloaded in their life, it can also be a pre cursor to the next emotion

Loneliness - The last emotion is that of being lonely, you may feel like the walls are closing in, nobody is there to help you or talk to you. A feeling of being completely on your own can be horrible, especially as we humans are very social creatures and as such, we need connection and love from time to time

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How to Utilize Your Emotions


So now you understand the 10  emotions, how do you go about changing them to help you create a better standard of life and increase your own happiness? There are two ways in which you can do this, changing either your perception of your emotion, or changing the situation you are in. For example if you are running your own business and all of a sudden the demand for your products takes a nosedive. You may well have emotions of fear, discomfort, anger, frustration, you could be feeling a number of different emotions depending on your past references and experiences and your own personality type. 

So you have these feelings, but remember, they are there to serve you, they are telling you that you need to change the way you are looking at it and perceiving it, or you need to change the situation that you are in. In this case you could first change the perception of the situation and instead of looking at the sudden lack of demand as a bad thing, you can turn it around and say that now you know that demand is shifting so you may need to consider altering the product, changing the product or even the way that it is marketed. This way you will turn it around and potentially make an even bigger profit than before. Notice that after changing your perception, you are then already ready to change the situation that you are in.This may not be the case for every situation, so you need to be mindful as to what you are feeling and what is causing the emotion, then act accordingly to make that shift and change the quality of your life for the better.

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5 Fear Based Emotions That Destroy People

Let's face it.  There are only two ways to approach life.  You either honor the fears in your life, or you love your life.  You see, the opposite of fear is love.  If you honor the fears in your life, these 5 fear based emotions will destroy you.  What do you honor?  

1.  Anger.  Do you know anyone that is always angry?  These people are angry at everyone.  They are angry at their spouse, angry at their children, angry at their co-workers, angry at the traffic, angry at the long lines they are standing in,  angry, angry, angry.  

I know a few people like that, do you?   Have you ever thought to yourself, 'I wonder why that person is so angry?'  

I know I have.  One person in particular comes to mind.  With this particular person, my opinion is that this anger derives from feeling a lack of control.  I was always taught that if you have a need to be in control, then you are out of control.


But make no mistake, anger definitely comes from living in fear.  Maybe that person is fearful of losing a business, or losing an income, or losing a person in their life, or whatever.  


Read: Change Your Brain, Change Your Life (Revised and Expanded): The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Lack of Focus, Anger, and Memory Problems


2.  Jealousy.  Aah, the 'ole jealousy emotion.  This is by far the biggest destroyer of them all.  Excuse me here, but I have to relate this fear based emotion to relationships, more specifically a sexual based relationship.  After all, the most powerful emotion since the beginning of mankind is sex.  

If you suffer from severe jealousy of a spouse or partner, you need to take a closer look at yourself.  To overcome jealousy you have to overcome your own shortcomings.  The way I look at it, jealousy is a fear of being out of control. You can't control if someone cheats in a relationship anyway, if they are going to cheat you can't stop it, so don't fret it.  And again, a need to be in control means you are out of control.

3.  Resentment.  Carrying around resentment, in my opinion, comes from a failure to communicate and/or express your expectations of another.  Once again, I know a particular person that carries around loads of resentment for family members.  This person expects certain business family members to perform certain tasks, and when they fall short, resentment explodes.  The fact of the matter is that this family member that falls short of expectations doesn't even know that task or tasks was expected of them  in the first place.  A classic case of miscommunication.  

Resentment is totally created by the person carrying it.  It takes loads of energy to carry around resentment.  Refocus that energy in a focus,  productive way and just let go of this crippling emotion.

4.  Anxiety.  We all have felt this type of emotion in some way, shape, form or fashion.  Feeling anxious begins at an early age.  You are anxious because you don't want to be late for school, or you don't want to miss the bus, or you have to be home at a certain  time, or a certain project is approaching a deadline, and on and on.  

Feeling anxious, in my opinion, results from trying to meet certain expectations of others.  To relieve this emotion, simply replace your expectation or the expectations of others, with an aspiration.  You simply aspire to do your best.  You aspire to be on time.  You aspire to perform at your highest level.  When you aspire and not expect you are not disappointed, and your anxiety will fade.

5.  Insecurity.  The emotion of feeling insecure affects millions.  Feeling insecure in your relationships, your finances, your marriage, your job, etc.   A lack of self-esteem combined with a poor self-image is a major factor in feeling insecure.  How do you overcome feeling insecure?  My rule of thumb was always 'just go to work'.  Work hard, aspire to do your best, and let the chips fall where they may.  When you have a 'hard work attitude' combined with an aspiration to do your best, you self-image will increase dramatically.

Do you suffer from any of these 5 fear based emotions?  Remember, the opposite of fear is love.  Love casts out fear.  So, try loving more and letting go of fear.  You will see a dramatic effect in your life and your business.