Forgiveness
really is the eraser of anger and guilt. It is the key that opens the shackles of the past and permits us to move on with our life in a freer, far lighter way. Once we realize this we can begin the process of healing that we deserve.
Keep these approaches in mind as you consider things and move along on your journey of forgiveness:
-- Your ultimate aim is to release the hurt and the rage that is feeding the pain. Just as you can heal from a painful thorn in your finger by taking it out, so you can recover from a hurtful experience by leaving it behind. When it doesn't have any place deep in your heart and mind, it can no longer fester, and the hurt can finally come to a stop. Choosing to forgive means you allow those bad feelings to leave your life for good.
-- It's essential to replace bad feelings with neutral ones. When the facts remain unchanged, but those facts no longer have the capacity to damage, then you are free of the past. You change from being a victim to the victor. You are human, and it's natural that you can be hurt. People really are resilient, and because you are human you can recover - from a love betrayal or awful, unfair experiences in your life. If you find yourself still reacting, then you have not broken free from the emotional chains of past experience. Through forgiveness you can be free of those toxic reactions.
-- Humor is a wonderful agent of healing. If you are able to smile about the love that once hurt you, or joke about the years you fought with a sibling, family member, or lover then you trade pain for a different emotion. That heavy load is lifted, substituted by a much lighter new found feeling that can even put a spring in your step. The healing power of forgiveness comes from our ability to move on from our anger and resentment. These emotions don't really hurt those who have hurt us, but nonetheless they absolutely do hurt us. When we forgive we protect ourselves; we clear our mind, our emotions, and a good deal of our time. Focusing on more empowering
and positive areas frees and moves away from the event or person who has hurt us.
Forgiveness removes us from harm's way. As far as we continue to dwell on and focus on hurt in the past, continually reacting to the pain someone has created, we remain emotionally stuck with that person and with what they have done. Forgiveness breaks the chains that lock. With it we take a gigantic step forward with our lives, releasing the negativity and shielding our self from toxic emotional involvement.
-- Constantly going over a hurtful experience over and again keeps it fresh in the mind, creating mental and emotional upset. Should the topic arise in conversation, it's a lot better to respond with: 'I'm choosing not to focus on that incident. I'm letting it fade from my life, and I'm moving on to happier things.'
-- One of the most important factors of the healing process is our own self-talk. What we say to our self is the most powerful driving force. Choosing words that feel authentic, we may say: 'I choose to feel wonderful today. Regardless what others may say or do, my happiness comes from within. I alone determine how I feel.'
Affirmations
such as: 'I am now taking care of the child within, and I am doing a really good job. I alone have direct control over my psychological well being. I look at the positive things in life. I wake up every day and focus on things that are beautiful and right.'
Once we finally come to see that our anger hurts only ourselves, then we are able to arrive at that state where forgiveness becomes reality. Through forgiveness we draw that line under the past and allow ourselves to move on with our life.
In this state of grace, we can finally move on from the past, and at last begin to live the life with which we have been gifted.
Let's face it. There are only two ways to approach life. You either honor the fears in your life, or you love your life. You see, the opposite of fear is love. If you honor the fears in your life, these 5 fear based emotions will destroy you. What do you honor?
1. Anger. Do you know anyone that is always angry? These people are angry at everyone. They are angry at their spouse, angry at their children, angry at their co-workers, angry at the traffic, angry at the long lines they are standing in, angry, angry, angry.
I know a few people like that, do you? Have you ever thought to yourself, 'I wonder why that person is so angry?'
I know I have. One person in particular comes to mind. With this particular person, my opinion is that this anger derives from feeling a lack of control. I was always taught that if you have a need to be in control, then you are out of control.
But make no mistake, anger definitely comes from living in fear. Maybe that person is fearful of losing a business, or losing an income, or losing a person in their life, or whatever.
Read: Change Your Brain, Change Your Life (Revised and Expanded): The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Lack of Focus, Anger, and Memory Problems
2. Jealousy. Aah, the 'ole jealousy emotion. This is by far the biggest destroyer of them all. Excuse me here, but I have to relate this fear based emotion to relationships, more specifically a sexual based relationship. After all, the most powerful emotion since the beginning of mankind is sex.
If you suffer from severe jealousy of a spouse or partner, you need to take a closer look at yourself. To overcome jealousy you have to overcome your own shortcomings. The way I look at it, jealousy is a fear of being out of control. You can't control if someone cheats in a relationship anyway, if they are going to cheat you can't stop it, so don't fret it. And again, a need to be in control means you are out of control.
3. Resentment. Carrying around resentment, in my opinion, comes from a failure to communicate and/or express your expectations of another. Once again, I know a particular person that carries around loads of resentment for family members. This person expects certain business family members to perform certain tasks, and when they fall short, resentment explodes. The fact of the matter is that this family member that falls short of expectations doesn't even know that task or tasks was expected of them in the first place. A classic case of miscommunication.
Resentment is totally created by the person carrying it. It takes loads of energy to carry around resentment. Refocus that energy in a focus, productive way and just let go of this crippling emotion.
4. Anxiety. We all have felt this type of emotion in some way, shape, form or fashion. Feeling anxious begins at an early age. You are anxious because you don't want to be late for school, or you don't want to miss the bus, or you have to be home at a certain time, or a certain project is approaching a deadline, and on and on.
Feeling anxious, in my opinion, results from trying to meet certain expectations of others. To relieve this emotion, simply replace your expectation or the expectations of others, with an aspiration. You simply aspire to do your best. You aspire to be on time. You aspire to perform at your highest level. When you aspire and not expect you are not disappointed, and your anxiety will fade.
5. Insecurity. The emotion of feeling insecure affects millions. Feeling insecure in your relationships, your finances, your marriage, your job, etc. A lack of self-esteem combined with a poor self-image is a major factor in feeling insecure. How do you overcome feeling insecure? My rule of thumb was always 'just go to work'. Work hard, aspire to do your best, and let the chips fall where they may. When you have a 'hard work attitude' combined with an aspiration to do your best, you self-image will increase dramatically.
Do you suffer from any of these 5 fear based emotions? Remember, the opposite of fear is love. Love casts out fear. So, try loving more and letting go of fear. You will see a dramatic effect in your life and your business.
