Forgiveness
really is the eraser of anger and guilt. It is the key that opens the shackles of the past and permits us to move on with our life in a freer, far lighter way. Once we realize this we can begin the process of healing that we deserve.
Keep these approaches in mind as you consider things and move along on your journey of forgiveness:
-- Your ultimate aim is to release the hurt and the rage that is feeding the pain. Just as you can heal from a painful thorn in your finger by taking it out, so you can recover from a hurtful experience by leaving it behind. When it doesn't have any place deep in your heart and mind, it can no longer fester, and the hurt can finally come to a stop. Choosing to forgive means you allow those bad feelings to leave your life for good.
-- It's essential to replace bad feelings with neutral ones. When the facts remain unchanged, but those facts no longer have the capacity to damage, then you are free of the past. You change from being a victim to the victor. You are human, and it's natural that you can be hurt. People really are resilient, and because you are human you can recover - from a love betrayal or awful, unfair experiences in your life. If you find yourself still reacting, then you have not broken free from the emotional chains of past experience. Through forgiveness you can be free of those toxic reactions.
-- Humor is a wonderful agent of healing. If you are able to smile about the love that once hurt you, or joke about the years you fought with a sibling, family member, or lover then you trade pain for a different emotion. That heavy load is lifted, substituted by a much lighter new found feeling that can even put a spring in your step. The healing power of forgiveness comes from our ability to move on from our anger and resentment. These emotions don't really hurt those who have hurt us, but nonetheless they absolutely do hurt us. When we forgive we protect ourselves; we clear our mind, our emotions, and a good deal of our time. Focusing on more empowering
and positive areas frees and moves away from the event or person who has hurt us.
Forgiveness removes us from harm's way. As far as we continue to dwell on and focus on hurt in the past, continually reacting to the pain someone has created, we remain emotionally stuck with that person and with what they have done. Forgiveness breaks the chains that lock. With it we take a gigantic step forward with our lives, releasing the negativity and shielding our self from toxic emotional involvement.
-- Constantly going over a hurtful experience over and again keeps it fresh in the mind, creating mental and emotional upset. Should the topic arise in conversation, it's a lot better to respond with: 'I'm choosing not to focus on that incident. I'm letting it fade from my life, and I'm moving on to happier things.'
-- One of the most important factors of the healing process is our own self-talk. What we say to our self is the most powerful driving force. Choosing words that feel authentic, we may say: 'I choose to feel wonderful today. Regardless what others may say or do, my happiness comes from within. I alone determine how I feel.'
Affirmations
such as: 'I am now taking care of the child within, and I am doing a really good job. I alone have direct control over my psychological well being. I look at the positive things in life. I wake up every day and focus on things that are beautiful and right.'
Once we finally come to see that our anger hurts only ourselves, then we are able to arrive at that state where forgiveness becomes reality. Through forgiveness we draw that line under the past and allow ourselves to move on with our life.
In this state of grace, we can finally move on from the past, and at last begin to live the life with which we have been gifted.
It amazes me in a given day the amount of conversations I facilitate regarding the level of confusion people have about why their lives are showing up the way they do! People fundamentally do not realize that they are the creator of their reality, period! What you focus on, on a daily basis, will be directly proportional to what you get back.
Take personal relationships for example. Doesn't take a rocket scientist that if you continue to make your partner wrong and you will find enough evidence to sink a ship! LOVE is the only premise for personal relationships so why do so many people not focus on LOVE?
Why, because they need to valid their own default (negative listening of themselves and others) and there in lies crutch of the problem.
It intrigues me the degree to which we are not disciplined in what we focus on. If you want to experience more love in your life, it makes sense that you should focus on only loving thoughts. 9 times out of 10 the expectations you have of another are not known so why on earth do you expect to have your partner, in this case, live up to them when they are not even aware of them?
Why do couples continue to tolerate not living in a harmonious way? Why do we tolerate dis-empowering communication when it is obvious that NO ONE wins in this situation. So I ask you today that if you are in a relationship that is not working to the degree to which you would like why do you tolerate this?
Here are some standard excuses why people tolerate not improving their relationships:-
Top 10 Key Excuses For Not Improving Relationships - see if any apply to you?
1. It's not the right time
2. If I rock the boat I do not have the financial backing to leave the relationship
3. Marriage is for life, regardless of how bad it gets
4. I am staying because of the children
5. Nothing I try works, and they (the other party) are unwilling to work on the relationship
6. He/She just won't listen
7. I've tried and it doesn't work, eg We tried marriage counseling and it didn't work
8. It's been like this for so long why should I change now - resignation
9. I am fearful of what they will do, I am fearful of the unknown if I was to leave so best to stay with what's known
10. It's not me, they are the ones who are creating the problem/s
News report, if your relationship is not where you want it to be it is because:-
1. You are getting something out of staying in it and it feeds your own negative/default listening of yourself
2. You are not committed to living in a harmonious way, evidence will prove this people! If you were committed to living in a loving relationship you would be in one by now
3. You are fearful of the unknown
4. You tolerate things the way they are because you are stuck in the HOW and are UNWILLING to get the required support to rectify the situation
5. You are definitely not present to the cost of his and or her or your own negative/default behavior, for if you were you would move in a heartbeat!
6. You get to be a victim! You get mileage out of enrolling people in your life, family, friends, acquaintances about how bad your lot is - very attention seeking
7. You do not believe that things cannot get better because of the years of evidence to the contrary - so beliefs are running the show - fundamentally you are resigned to a new possibility
8. You do not trust your faith, if you did you would not tolerate what you tolerate
9. You get to remain a martyr in your life given the impact your situation has on your own well being
10. You need to validate your own unhealed aspects of yourself by staying in a dysfunctional relationship.
So, what now? Stand for LOVE, stand for an EXTRAORDINARY relationship, after all what is the point of being in a relationship unless it is EXTRAORDINARY! If you want assistance with revolutionizing your relationship STOP tolerating what you tolerate.
Every entrepreneur needs to have some dedicated focus time in their business to be able to grow it whether growing it for you means getting more clients, making more money or if it means leveraging and multiplying it by leaps and bounds. You need to create some focus time in business to make that happen.
When I say to people, "Try to create at least four hours per day for marketing or growth or development," I hear lots of shrieks, "Ah, how can I do that? I'm so busy."
Not only is someone busy in their work life, but also in their personal life especially when we're starting out because many people who are starting out are starting out by working from home
. I have some very, very specific strategies as to how to take time to clear the decks and create focus. In fact, one of my favorite mantras that I've had for many, many years is, "A strong focus now creates a different future later." So, how do you create focus time in your life?
Well, as you know, in your business it's about delegating and getting other people to do things for you that you're not that good at doing or that at this point should be done by somebody else. What about all that extra time that is taken up in your life? Such as non-work related busyness that happens that actually eats into your work-related focus time. That is the time that it takes to run your life.
I'm a busy mom and if it were just even me, there's so much that I need to do outside of work to keep things going, with a house and other responsibilities lots going on it would be easy for me to use my work time to do these extra-curricular things.
Here are some of the things that I have systematized so that I no longer do, which creates more focus time in my day. Work on things that are going to bring in clients and more opportunities as well as more revenue.
Some of the things that I would like for you to consider as personal time wasters are the things that you do, but don't necessarily need to be done by you. Think about grocery delivery
or laundry services. Some people go to the grocery store two or three times a week. This in some situations are not necessary with a delivery service, Laundry can be dropped off and picked up at the designated time given by the service. These are things that can help you free up some focus time.
There are the online drug stores. Why run off to CVS or something like that when you can order it online? House cleaning, you shouldn't be doing your house cleaning by yourself if you can afford it. Sometimes people will charge as little as $50 to $100 to clean your house once a week or maybe once every two weeks.
For many, many years I drop off the laundry because it saves me time and energy and only, for about 8 bucks to 10 bucks depending on the amount of laundry, they match my socks and fold everything so that I don't have to do it and easy put away when I get home.
Then there's online banking. Instead of going to the bank you do everything online. Especially if you pay your bills online and you use credit cards to pay for a lot of your business expenses and of course you're going to want a business card for business and a personal card for personal. If you put it all on one card that means you only have one thing to pay or two credit cards to pay off.
I know some of you might be thinking, "Yeah, that's fine when you're established in your business." I started off where most people start off which is to not lot of money and everything was a shoestring budget
, but I looked at, "Okay what if I could just have somebody for $10 once a week do all of my laundry and fold it and it would be all there just ready for me to put into the drawers. How much time would I have saved for myself?" That's about three hours and it's not that you sit on your sofa eating bon-bons while all these other people are doing this.
You use that time to get more clients and make more money by applying more of these client-attraction strategies. So, imagine the more time you create in your day by delegating some of your personal stuff or systematizing it or doing it online instead of going to an actual store. This is the more time you create for marketing
in your day so that between the hours of let's say 8:30 and 5:30 you are really only doing all work. I'm not saying that you can run out and have people clean your house and do your food and everything for you, but just start with one very little thing.
Use that time that you saved to do more of the focus on growing your business
. It will transform not only how you live your everyday life, but it will transform the time that you create that you don't have to run off doing errands.
That is your assignment for the week. What are the time wasters in your day, in your personal life, that are eating up your business time? Write these down and start thinking about how you could do some of these things online or have them done by somebody else, somebody that you could hire at 10 bucks an hour to run a few errands for you so you don't have to.
Then reapply and reinvest that time back into your business so you get more clients, make more money and multiply your business.
Now that December is almost over, it is time for me to solidify my goals for 2017. As always, I balance and set goals in all areas to maximize my growth as a person and as a professional. I have goals for health that include a targeted lifetime eating plan; goals for my business that emphasize professional growth; goals for creative expression that include writing and photography; goals for relaxation that include travel and a lot more NFL football games!
When it comes to setting and reaching these goals, I use a simple and proven 3 step process that virtually assures that I reach my goals. I'm going to lay it out here as it applies to a financial goal, but recognize that this method applies to the success of reaching ANY goal. Here's what you do:
Secret #1: The first step is to be absolutely precise on the desired goal. While you may have heard this before, it's still amazing that many people I work with don't practice this. For example, I still ask people what their financial goal is and they tell me, "earn more money than I made last year." If you earn $1.50 more in 2017, then you will have reached your goal, won't you?
Instead, you need to know the exact amount. In determining that number, I always look at each month, factor in vacations, holidays, projects, etc., and then I add up each month and come up with an EXACT figure. And then I add 20% more!
Once I have that "stretch goal," I break it down again per month and write each month's specific dollar goal everywhere so I'm looking at it each day of every month. I post it on my desk, in my car, in the bathroom; I know exactly what I'm going to accomplish each and every day.
I also adjust it per my production for that day so it is a fluid and ever changing number. Sometimes the daily amount gets bigger as the week goes on, and sometimes it gets smaller (depending on my production each day). But the point is that it is specific and exact, and I'm always aware of what my daily, monthly and yearly, specific dollar amount goal is for each and every day.
If you haven't done this yet (especially the "add 20%"), then do it before January 1, 2017. You'll be amazed how much this will keep you motivated and into action. And you'll be amazed by your increased production!
Secret #2: Get clear on where every dollar of your income is going to go. Ask yourself: "What am I going to do with all the money I'm going to earn this year?" How much are you going to save by the end of the year? How much debt are you going to pay off? Are you going to buy a new car? Pay for your kid's education? How much do you have budgeted for vacation? How about taxes? How about retirement?
These are just some of the questions you need to get in the habit of asking yourself this month, and you need to be completely clear on exactly where each dollar is going and where you're going to be financially by the end of 2017. Having this kind of clarity and purpose helps keep you focused and disciplined, and it has a magical effect on how the Universe helps you accomplish your specific financial goal.
Now I know that things come up, but when you have every dollar accounted for, you'll be amazed at how you can earn extra money to handle the unexpected. That's just how it works. But I have found that when I'm crystal clear on how much I'm going to earn and what I'm going to accomplish as a result of it, my focus is razor sharp and I remain motivated each and every day.
In addition, when you know why you're working so hard and what for, you're ready to put secret number three into effect:
Secret #3: Once you are clear on your exact financial goal and know what you are going to get as a result of it, you can now practice one of the most important parts of any goal accomplishment: acting as if you've already attained your goal. If you've ever read any book on the Law of Attraction, then you know all about the importance of accepting and believing on a subconscious level that you already have what it is you're trying to accomplish.
The Law is simple: the Universe responds to what you feel and believe to be true. If you think you're broke or that your territory is poor or that you can't do something, then you'll find evidence to support your belief and you'll act (or not act!) accordingly. If you believe the opposite, then you'll find a way to keep taking actions to accomplish what you believe is possible, and the Universe will provide you with the opportunities to confirm what you believe.
But the key is to believe it has already happened. By acting as if you are already the top producer at your company, or by going to sleep at night already feeling the feelings of having accomplished your goal, you'll act like a magnet for the success you've already determined is yours.
By acting as if you've accomplished your goal, you'll automatically and easily take the actions necessary to achieve them. Suddenly it will be "like you" to come in earlier, to make more calls, to qualify better, etc. I have found that acting as if is the most important thing I have ever done to catapult me into new earning levels and new conditions in my life.
And I have found that it ALWAYS works. Whether I believe I can or I can't, I'm always right.
There are lots of ways to achieve the "being state" of acting, feeling and experiencing your success in advance, but my favorite is to write and read affirmations that are rich in feeling and emotion. There are many books out there that will teach you how to do that, and I recommend you invest in them today.
The bottom line is that when you follow these three secrets to successful goal attainment, you will become unstoppable. There will no longer be road blocks, and no outside element will ever permanently get in the way of your accomplishing any goal you'll set. You see, there is always a way to achieve anything you can dream of. And if you're absolutely clear on what it is, know exactly why you're going for it, and can feel and live as if you've already accomplished it, then nothing can stop you from attaining it.
I encourage you to use this month to put these secrets into your goal planning for 2017. If you do, then next year at this time you will be reaching for even more aggressive goals because you'll have discovered the real secrets to performance in life.
All the best for 2017!
In today's fast-paced world, lots of people have a problem with meeting their personal or professional objectives.
They are told to go back to the drawing board and come up with schedules.
However, what individuals forget to realize is that no matter how complex the timetable is, should they do not have the will to follow along with it, then it serves no purpose.
A lot of people have problems with procrastination, which is the malady which has held many gifted folks back from reaching their goals.
Just about the most effective ways to handle procrastination would be to prioritize your work from the most significant, to the least important. Read on and learn how to overcome procrastination and how to make the most of your time.
It is because they are sensitive and may require you to spend more time and pay much more attention doing them. Although you ultimately want to accomplish all of the tasks within this list, there are going to be some that are more time sensitive or important than the others. Begin with the most crucial ones and move the right path down. Furthermore, you should also attack your list by starting with items that are interrelated.
Read: The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business
When you take on similar tasks at the same time, you'll end up spending less time overall then if you had taken them on at separate times. Because of this you should first do an assessment of all the jobs before you do any.
You should also ensure that you fully grasp your time constraints. The reason most people end up procrastinating is the fact that they overestimate the time they have to conduct a particular task. In the same vein, you should allocate time to every activity, know the time available and then how to proceed.
This gives you the earliest expertise in what you can do and that which you are not able to do. This cushions you from establishing overambitious agendas that you are not able to keep. If you find that you could have overestimated the time you might have, quickly readjust your routine and do what you can do in the remaining time.
Finally, make use of the multiple reminders available such as alarms to track your progress and get away from any backsliding into procrastination once more so that you figure out how to get motivated more easily. With so many electronics on the market now, it should be quite easy to evaluate how you're progressing from time to time. Finding the time to put these alarms in place will help you to improve your speed or even change your schedule to make the most out of the time you have.
What defines most procrastinators is the fact that they always quit every time they sense failure. Despite your inability to keep your initial strategy, you must do all in your ability to reap the most out of the rest of the time. For instance, if your plans entailed going to the bank, finishing up with a book you were reading and then carrying out laundry, you may run out of time before you fit everything in.
In short, you do not achieve because you're the perfect person. It is simply your ability to accomplish much using the time and resources accessible to you.
Have you ever listened to a motivating speaker, felt motivated to make a change in one or more aspects of your life as a result, but then failed to take action upon leaving the conference room or auditorium?
Unfortunately, this scenario is all too common.
Read: Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us
Consider this; every year on January 1st millions of people outline a list of goals they intend to achieve for the New Year. Yet, all too few accomplish their goals. Why is this?
You cannot achieve your goals and dreams unless you get started. Newton's Law of Motion certainly rings true when it comes to motivation; bodies at rest tend to stay at rest. Getting started is often the largest hurdle for most people to overcome. However, once you begin a project, initiate an idea or take action steps, most people stay the course and accomplish their goal.
How do the most successful people get motivated, and remain motivated? The answer is simple -- commitment. Well, at least that's part of the answer.
The other parts of the answer involve going after the right goals or targets, having a realistic game plan, maintaining a connection to the established goals, and simply having fun during the process.
Does your Goal Pass the Acid Test?
When you consider your goals and dreams, how badly do you want to achieve them? Are you willing to do just about anything to accomplish them? This is the real acid test. Or, are they merely things that you would just like to accomplish? Herein lies the difference between goals and dreams.
If items on your to-do list, would like to have list, or goals and dreams list don't really matter enough to you at the end of the day, you aren't going to be really motivated to press on come hell or high water and accomplish what you need to. So, review your list of goals to see if they pass the acid test. Shorten your list to only those items that pass. Then, commit yourself to working through the process.
Visualization
There's a reason professional athletes spend a great deal of time before a game, match or event visualizing. They are focusing on not only accomplishing their goal of winning, but on how they will feel as a result.
Spend time considering what your goals look like? How will you feel the moment that you accomplish them? Who will you celebrate with? And what are the actual benefits or rewards that will accompany this success?
Visualization allows you to feel connected to your goals. And it can build the confidence needed to take that first step.
Defining a Realistic Game Plan
Now that you have identified what your 'actual' goals might be and have visualized what it will be like to achieve them, it's time to determine the steps you need and intend to take. Outline specific action steps and completion dates. This is where so many fail. When defining your plan of action, you must consider what you will accomplish and by what date; otherwise, your goal is simply a dream.
When defining deliverable dates, be realistic. Set milestones that you can actually accomplish. Setting unrealistic goals is a recipe for disaster. In addition to the ultimate completion date, be sure to insert short term milestones to work as check-points.
For example, if one of your goals is to lose 15 pounds this year, you will first want to break this goal down into bite sized chunks (1 lb. at a time). Establish quarterly weigh in points. After each weigh-in, track your progress against your larger goal. Post your progress in an area that you will see daily for additional motivation; your bedroom, bathroom mirror or refrigerator. If you are on track, reward yourself. If you aren't on track, take corrective action.
Have Fun with Rewards
If one or more of your goals are long-term, it can be challenging to stay focused over the entire time period. Shorter milestone check-points will provide you with realistic targets where you can check-in to see how you are faring against goal. When you are on track, reward yourself.
Rewards don't have to be monumental in order to be effective. They must simply represent something of value or personal enjoyment. Treats if you are on a diet, the purchase of a much coveted item, a massage or a night out are simple examples of potential rewards. Your rewards need to be personal and meaningful to you personally in order to motivate you.
Be Flexible
If you get off track during your journey, allow yourself the flexibility to modify your plan. Sometimes you need to adjust the goal. Don't beat yourself up -- learn from the experience, make the necessary adjustments, and get back on track.
Ask for Help
One of the most motivating things can be encouragement from someone you respect, trust, or love. Share your goals with a mentor, family member or friend and ask them to assist you along your journey. Check in with them and give them permission to hold you accountable.
External motivation is often readily available; speakers, a book or a favorite song or tune. Motivating yourself requires focus, dedication and commitment. If you have identified the right goals, formulated a realistic plan and utilize tools along the way, your chances of achieving your goals will be powerfully increased.
Do Emotions Control Your Life?
To a certain degree, yes I do think that emotions can control your life and for many people, they are also running their lives. Emotions are pre-determined and they make us human. Some people think that you can merely ignore your emotions or even worse, try eliminate all emotion from their life!
The problem with this belief is that no matter what you try to do, no matter how hard you try to suppress the way you feel, your emotions will always win. They are banging on the door of your mind. The more you try to ignore it, the louder and louder they bang and the harder and harder they pound. This is where some people will inevitably bottle up these emotions until they explode and depending on their personality type, each person will respond in a different way, none of which are particularly pretty to witness. Some time ago, there was a lady who knew her husband was cheating on her, she knew and remained silent for the good of her kids, but also because she was so scared to lose him. The longer and longer this went on, the more and more it became apparent that the cycle of endless cheating would not end. More than a year down the line, she could not take being hurt any longer and just up and left.
Now why did this happen? Simple, she bottled up all the emotions that she had, which she subsequently decided to ignore. Emotions are not something that should be considered as a weakness or a negative thing, they are there to serve as a warning that one or more of your beliefs and life rules have been violated. This woman never pulled her husband up on the belief that he was cheating. If she had, she may well have found that actually, the husband was not cheating on her at all, he was working another job just to feed their family.
Now there was clearly a big issue with communication, as a matter of fact there was no communication and this was a big part of the problem. However this is not something that I will cover in this article. The point here is that emotions can not only be warning signs, they can be felt by people as a result of some one's perception of a particular situation, even if the situation is being perceived completely wrong. This lady took her husband's absence as a violation of her own rules, perceiving it to be that he didn't care about her or want to be with her, she then created a story in her mind as to why he wasn't spending time with her and showing her that he still cared, when really he was just incredibly burnt out.
Now, emotions serve as a very useful tool for anyone trying to improve the quality of their own life, their business, and their relationships, so let's take a brief look at the 10 emotions I Believe to be directly responsible for the quality of one's life.
The 10 Emotions
Discomfort - this is not an extreme emotion but will leave you feeling uneasy feeling as if something is not quite "right"
Fear - this is possibly one of the most useful as it is a clear warning sign for us. Scared, frightened, are words that could be used to described this emotion
Hurt - this could be when someone violates one of your rules that you live life by, this can also be linked to a feeling of loss, which could be tangible or intangible, depending on the situation that can caused this emotion
Anger - being enraged, livid and aggressive, this emotion can be the most externally shown emotion and can take many people by surprise through the actions of the person experiencing it
Frustration - this is an emotion that entrepreneurs and business people often experience and can stop even the most dedicated people in their tracks. This can be altered to serve you in your endeavours as with the other emotions which I will explain shortly.
Disappointment - a feeling of not quite making it, not performing at best or being let down are often used to describe this emotion.
Guilt - This is an emotion that you must act on quickly if you can to stop it from growing root. Sometimes this may not be possible because it has been left too long already, but this can potentially be another devastating emotion if people do not control it.
Inadequacy - the feeling of not being as good as the next person, not as smart, not as strong, not an equal.
Being overwhelmed/Depressed - sometimes people go into a state whereby they describe themselves as being depressed and overloaded in their life, it can also be a pre cursor to the next emotion
Loneliness - The last emotion is that of being lonely, you may feel like the walls are closing in, nobody is there to help you or talk to you. A feeling of being completely on your own can be horrible, especially as we humans are very social creatures and as such, we need connection and love from time to time
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How to Utilize Your Emotions
So now you understand the 10 emotions, how do you go about changing them to help you create a better standard of life and increase your own happiness? There are two ways in which you can do this, changing either your perception of your emotion, or changing the situation you are in. For example if you are running your own business and all of a sudden the demand for your products takes a nosedive. You may well have emotions of fear, discomfort, anger, frustration, you could be feeling a number of different emotions depending on your past references and experiences and your own personality type.
So you have these feelings, but remember, they are there to serve you, they are telling you that you need to change the way you are looking at it and perceiving it, or you need to change the situation that you are in. In this case you could first change the perception of the situation and instead of looking at the sudden lack of demand as a bad thing, you can turn it around and say that now you know that demand is shifting so you may need to consider altering the product, changing the product or even the way that it is marketed. This way you will turn it around and potentially make an even bigger profit than before. Notice that after changing your perception, you are then already ready to change the situation that you are in.This may not be the case for every situation, so you need to be mindful as to what you are feeling and what is causing the emotion, then act accordingly to make that shift and change the quality of your life for the better.
Attend Tony Robbins Live | "Unleash the Power Within" | Los Angeles, CA | March 23-26, 2017 
